Georges is gone

Flying up over the US right now on his way home to Glasgow.  I miss him already.  He is truly one of the sweetest bois in the world.  I'm so happy he chose to come visit me & had a seemingly nice time of it.  

I'm home from work...  dinner ate, showered, heading to bed soon - right after the swimming Olympic trials tonight - mmmm pretty pretty.  George had to tolerate me jumping about as our Michael broke another world record.  HAWT - I can't wait til the games.  

I'm tired.  I have a lot to write up but I'm kinda just exhausted right now.


& Just fir the record

Before I go to bed - I hate James Dobson's selective hatred & rhetoric.  If you still don't know why - go research it.  Not just today's paltry grab for a headline but his body of works.  He represents some of the very worst in fundy Christians.  He is working for a Christian nation.  A very warped intolerant Christianity.  I'm still here because of that whole idea of tolerance & acceptance of all beliefs.  I'm that voice in the back of your head reminding you that you can teach creationism as long as you remember to teach ALL creation mythologies.  I'm the one holding a rusty coat hanger reminding you not to fuck w/ Roe v Wade.  I'm the one laughing in the face of all that is different from you.  Take only what you need & give only what you can.

Speaking of which...

Tell me this is not completely fucked up...  How is this allowed to happen - was there no one with her?  Was there no one there to stand in her way or did they all just wash their hands of her?

All the Pro-Life bullshit aside we can't seem to be able to kill our children fast enough.  YAY AMERICA!!!


This ain't fishy at all...

Here comes the jackass...

Asshole delayed 40,000 people today.  & we wonder why people in other countries hate us.  I'd hate them if their leader fucked up my day like that.  83 fucking flights cancelled - which is one thing to look at but as all of you my loyal minions know if you fuck up one flight every flight after that is fucked up - wherever those people are supposed to go, wherever the plane is supposed to go, whoever is waiting to take the next leg of their journey, you've just screwed them all.  FUCKING RIDICULOUS.  THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THE BASTARD LAND AT MILITARY BASES.  & IMAGINE THE FUCKING SECURITY CONCERNS - WHY BOTHER WITH THIS BULLSHIT UNLESS SOMEONE WAS GOING TO KILL THE FUCKER IN THE MIDST OF IT?

Why? just to piss people off & increase the xenophobia & hatred of americans.  Unless of course enough of the military are sick of it & are more of a security concern - in my head is a relentless rerun of the moment Spider Jerusalem approached the Secret Service to find out that they were all not being paid enough to protect the pres in Transmet.

& I know in my heart of hearts that that is a bit far out there - seriously.  BUT I NEEDED TO YELL!!!

If you know me at all behind the wheel...

You know how much I long for a driving companion like either of them.  The deepest recesses of my soul ache for a creature to travel with who isn't too busy worrying that I am his ex-wife or freaking out at my reflexes & superior driving skill.  Or even the stream of foul language that flows freely from my lips while behind the  wheel.  I'm witty & brilliant & when you are in my way the full extent of my rage at your incompetence is turned on you, and you never know it - because I just rant to myself & pull past you - happy to get on with the rest of my drive & life.  I want a man or woman to step into that empty seat & have the balls to scream with me & take on the world.  I miss the old Laurie & my Chris the only 2 traveling companions who "got" me.  



I woke up about 5 mins ago - replied to an email & saw this.  George Carlin is dead.  I'm not ok w/ this.  It's gonna take some time to process. 

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

The man spoke to my heart.  There are others that do as well.  But, back in the day it Carlin & Kinison at all hours of the day & night, and being played on the lil radio in art class so low that the teach couldn't hear it.  I laughed til I cried & then laughed some more.  


sunday mornings

Mmmmmm homemade peach sangria & a storm.  Perfect afternoon.  Jules & I lunched at the Diner.  Delicious Diner burritos had by all.  I like today.  not the greatest Sunday ever but one of those Sunday mornings that I'm ok with.  Though I do hear Ani in my head still.



Not my favorite pic but I was happy when it was taken.  About a year ago it was taken.  I was with Kerry (in love with him - well I loved him, he was feeding me a packet of lies about his feelings for me as it turned out) & in pain (physically) & at the company picnic (a company I didn't know to hate at the time).  

I was up this morning before the sun -watching it rise through the trees was perfect - I came home from work & have been puttering about.  It is storming right now, so hard the winds & rain that the smell of wet wood is being driven through my apt.  I love it.  I just came back in from dancing in it - I'm soaked it was like dancing in a giant shower w/ thunder.  I'm in a skirt, at some point there will be a pic of me in this skirt.  I am so happy.

Happy Summer Solstice.  Thus far the longest day of the year has been wonderful - beautiful sunrise, perfect weather - gorgeous storm.  & I know when sunset comes it will be beautiful too.  right now I just get the blue green storming sky.  

Love for you when we reach this shortest night - I'll be here alone - wishing I had company when the candles burn out.


FUCK, literally

About goddamned time that the fucking UN should decide to do something about it. Rape is now considered a war tactic. How the fuck long has it taken for them to sort out that the daily (did you see that - I have to use the word DAILY) rape of women is a tactic used to destroy the enemy in war. NO SHIT. Who the fuck has been so fucking blind to not know this is & has been going on? Who the fuck is so naive to believe that women in times of war are respected? We aren't respected in peacetime here in the good old US of A. Oh welcome the UN to the realization that raping women as a purposeful tactic of war (soldiers ordered to repeatedly rape women) is maybe something they should be concerned about.


Fuck this

What part of "Stop beating him or we'll shoot!" Makes you think you can continue beating a 2 year old to death at the side of the road? What the fuck is wrong with this statement? What the fuck is wrong with our world?


These are amazing. Men crying. I love men crying. Those little moments of real emotion. I miss a man to cry with, not just to, but with. A man to hold onto as the sobs rack our bodies. Maybe Adam ruined me for life. I have still the clearest memory or our first meeting. Really meeting - the moment the inner me met the inner him. It is a story that I never tire of telling and moments as clear to me as my last breath. & so if we have never held that conversation I'll share it with you now. I'd found out earlier that Johnny had died & the circumstances surrounding his death which I'll save for another day. And I had just gotten the call from my parents that my grandmother had died. I was walking back, I was at camp, I was at counselor training in point of fact. I was just beginning to breathe as I realized that I would no longer be sitting up nights listening to the sound of her oxygen machine - no longer falling to sleep wondering if I would wake up in the morning for school or if I would wake up to the very Stephen King moment of my grandmother's corpse in her bed. I was 14. The oldest, geographically closest grandchild. The tears came, running in streams down my face as I walked to the cabin for the end of night meeting. I hadn't even begun to think of what would happen when I got there. I didn't know where my friends were & didn't have a clear sense that I should be running to them - all I could really do was put another foot forward and keep walking. I know I was walking slowly - there is a sense that others were moving past me. Then there was a hand on my shoulder. I'm savant about touch. You know this. I didn't know the touch on my shoulder but it was like sliding into the ocean for the first time - so familiar but alien, the rhythm of the heartbeat, the tides running through you. Years later we joked that perhaps the heightened emotion imprinted him on me - but that didn't explain the effects I had on him. I turned around & buried my face in his shoulder. I didn't even see who it was. I soaked his shoulder with my tears. He wrapped his arms around me holding me tightly. Swaying gently, 2 bodies finding a rhythm not sex, just that random energy passing between 2 people touching. This was the moment we met as I finally pulled back & our eyes met. Mine - I've been told were glowing green from the red & the lights & the crying. His blue, dark & deep with the slightest tears filling them. He had no idea why I was crying. He knew I was hurting before he touched me (by his account not my projection). That was the moment we became friends. Arguments can be made that that was the moment we fell in love, but I put that at a later date. It was the moment we truly met, our first moment of namaste. Somehow years later as we fought, those few bitter arguments over eachothers' own good - we were still in that place between us. It was a connection only death finally broke, dissipated, changed: everything changes & nothing is truly lost.


Oh yes, only we will follow it with the words "of the People of the United States of America" instead of the words "home of the oil man illegally fronting the country"


Blog changed - I heart you very much

You know if you are having a problem reading this you should just drop me a comment & let me know & depending on how hard of a time you are having & how much I like the current motif I might actually change it sooner rather than later.

Cleaning done - tired & on the way to bed soon - mmmm shower then bed.

mmmm sleep.

cooler day

less humidity.  no hangover - my genetics rock.  Well alcohol anyway - cancer is another matter entirely.  Carpet cleaner acquired -I'll be cleaning today.  If you feel the need to make a smart comment about that (mom) - save me the aggravation & keep it to yourself.  


Happy Fatherless Day

I survived - thank you Jules.  

There was booze & hot man blowing things up (Robert Downey Jr) & then more hot man (Sam L Jackson) & then home to Snakes on a Plane (there was a longstanding tradition in my family that on today we would all pile in & go watch the most ridiculous comedy out.  The taste of Sam L earlier gave me a taste to see Snakes again.  Then more booze & napping & more booze & napping & now food, booze & soon more napping.

Fuck u Hallmark holidays that rip my heart out.


I've been

cranky & out of my head & forgetting things & I figured out why this morning.  I remember dates, not always in enough time to plot for them but I do remember, eventually - I remember that Saturday the 14th of May is the day I cut open my leg when i was a kid - 26 stitches in my inner thigh.  This week & last as Friday the 13th came closer I knew that was important for something...  Friday the 13th of June  Why is that important?  I remembered this morning & Jules (thank goddess) is in town this weekend for Fatherless Day.  Which falls on June 15th.  My dad's birthday.  He would have been 59 tomorrow.  This August it will have been 5 years since he died & I still don't know how I live in a world without him in it.  Instead I get to remember the years that his birthday fell on Father's Day & the times we spent together.  Jules & I will be brunching & drinking & going to see a movie w/ cute men (Robert Downey Jr or Ed Norton) wherein things explode & thought is not necessary.  

I hate Fatherless Day - I just miss my dad.


How fucked up are we?

Fetus in porto potty?

& that was totally unrelated to the next story.


I don't care if it is "one of God's creations" the girl didn't have any respect for her body, or touch with it if she could go 9 months without realizing she was pregnant & her classmates & her parents - where the hell was everyone & the idea that she stuffed toilet paper in it's mouth & drowned it in the toilet tops it off - send the girl for severe counseling & make her work in an orphanage well supervised for the next 20 years - hold her responsible for every bruise on the kids she is in charge of. & take her parents & put them in jail for neglect - their neglect of this girl led directly to the death of this infant. & the teachers should all lose their jobs. for 1 not teaching sex ed & 2 for not paying attention to the students. Someone should have noticed enough to talk to eachother, to the principal, school nurse, call the girl's parents - something. But then I'm from a small town. I think in class sizes of 48 total in the entire grade. I expect more. I expect better for the youth & I expect better for our future.

Harsh realities in these United States

If you are over 18 & you are at work & you decide to stab a 16 year old there is no way to justify it & you will lose your job & you will be arrested.

mmm homegrown

compassion fatigue.

Seriously, Because overall our culture has no record of desensitizing the youth.

If you know me you are thinking to yourself, "hmm, ummm, Jess, didn't you play a horrific practical joke on one of your friends when you were younger?" & yes, I did take part in something like that. I found out about friends' deaths while I was in highschool - It was a nightmare. I remember sitting in class terrifying myself as daydreams passed before my eyes.

I went to a very small school - we've been over that. I grew up in a village where the local grocery would routinely have the excess pumpkins taken in the fall by students who would throw them at the upper maths teacher's house. 1 upper maths teacher for the entire highschool, personally I liked her (i like math). All I'm trying to express is that if I were one of those kids - I would be making it my mission to fuck w/ the teachers & administrators who did it until I left town. Seriously, cat food in their car vents & household AC, motor oil on their windshield & house windows for that matter, eggs all over every inch of their lives until they crack, slice their tires - constantly, sidewall punctures, I'd carry a Ginzu steak knife with me for that purpose. I'm not joking. & that is after I spit in their face when I found out the truth. & I read the arguments in favor of what happened, I'm just saying that not every kid needs to experience that.

I know

I'm late commenting on it but I am kinda hopeful. Now if they can just sort out a VP.


This storm

is totally worth it. The windows are open the AC is off - & the winds are whipping thru my apt. So nice. Sleep tonight will be good.

I am fucking hot.

96ยบ is too goddamned hot for me. 80% humidity is too goddamned humid for me. I feel like I am braising in my own juices. I've had one cold shower & I am about to go in to the tub for a cold bath. Just let the cold water fill the tub - grab a book & soak until the water feels warm. The sun is finally going down. I am so excited. I remember why I am such a night person especially in the summer months. & according to Toledo there is a storm on the way - Goddess loves me. The cats appear to be content - I tossed some ice cubes into their water.

I'm taking the iced chai w/ the dark rum w/ me. Note: there is no whipped cream on it, but I want some. mmm whipped cream in the middle w/ cinnamon & nutmeg on the rim.


Fucking idiots

"Dow falls 300 points after surprise unemployment spike, oil jump"

This was a headline this afternoon. See the word "surprise" - Who the fuck thinks that a spike in unemployment immediately after a spike in oil/gas prices is a surprise???



This made my day... I was just thinking about it this weekend.  It made me smile to see him write it up so beautifully.  I say let's get down to the real fight.



More dead...

Sign of my sappiness

The extended trailer for "The Bucket List" made me misty.  I'm just sayin, apparently I'm a big pile of mushy sappiness.  


I sorted out

My other blog - yay me

Thank you

For the skull & crossbones ice tray = seriously.  I freakin love it.