So happy & excited. Plotting & loving. Can I tell you the most ridiculous moment, I was asked by the boifriend to go to his stepsister's wedding. Like a real grrlfriend, I of course countered w/ inviting him to the wedding I will be attending in October. It is kind of silly to feel so happy about seeing someone unafraid to become a part of my life.

I wondered as I woke up this morning if the last boi's problem wasn't being so horribly maltreated by his previous relationships. He trusted & let at least one of them get close to him & she ripped his heart out, ate it, & spat it back at him. He chose to lick it up & decided that this was perfectly fine by him. I'm shocked that I looked at the situation & decided it was fucked up just hearing about it. I brushed off everyone (& oh how most of those everyones turned out to be lying, selfish, manipulative creatures) who told me to get involved. When He invited me into his life I chose to partake. Sadly or luckily I was in a pretty fucked up place myself most of last year. I wonder if I hadn't allowed myself to be treated as a second class creature by a "man who loves me" if I would appreciate now being so loved in a different, more honest and open manner. I love the communication - I love that I can say, "hey, this is really bothering me" & hear, "hey, this is really bothering me". And not have to fret over touching an already broken ego.


On old...

I spent the day @ work, putting out fires & praying that things improve. I am in love w/ my body. Another year has brought so many changes. I want my feet soft again, tough but soft. My elbows need nightly care & i love to have them rubbed, sooo good the sensation. I am in love w/my mind. I love the labyrinthine passages I've been traveling lately. I'll be listening to Only Revolutions all the way through soon - I wonder if Mark's voice will leave me in tears. I am in love w/ my emotions - the release & free flowing is stunning to my core lately. I am in love w/ my friends. I would not have survived this year w/o you. Every moment you remind me of the good parts. So much love.

It has been a good year, I've grown & learned. The list of learned will come later - I'm sure.


Thought of my day:

The enemy of my enemy may be my friend.
The friend of my enemy is always my enemy.

"Somehow" the psycho ex-wife of my ex-boifriend (our last interaction - if you don't count her stomping on my foot as she walked past me @ another event) decided it was in her best interests to show up at party being held where I live on Monday. Apparently I'm the only one who had a problem with it. No one invited her but no one asked her to leave.
Hurt, yes.

Perhaps this is another exercise w/ the "Jessica is always only black & white" I'll buy that. No one else around me has the problems with her that I do. Then again they have never been the focus/target of her paranoid delusions either. I have no interest in allowing her access to myself or my possessions. I do not want her poisoning my cats. This would be the survivor in me taking control.

After a wonderful weekend - which I'll discuss later, this was just an awful homecoming. Statements have been made & she has been warned. The next time she'll be asked to leave & if she refuses she will be escorted away by police & I will secure a protective order against her.



I'm awake @ the earliest dredges of HHVII - I have heated water for tea & so that coffee will be faster if anyone wants any as they come through later. My body is doing a cramp/bleed totally randomly - possibly stress related. Work is officially a source of stress for being just work, not horrific conditions, I am now actually doing real work all day. The projects & responsibilities are piling up & at least my 2 direct managers support me & understand that I am ask a lot of questions well above my paygrade but I have a good brain & can see through things.

I am continuing to sort the Dendritic Belles. It is a lil harder as work has ramped up , I have stronger and stronger urges to not do anything all the time. It is being balanced - my head is not as focused at different times. I feel fine right now on 2.5 hours sleep but zone @ work a lot during the day - still zombie-like doing my job but spacing inside. I needs to look to that.

Anyway - this is just a "Good morning - I'm alive - yay!" & Liz put "That Crazy Game of Poker" in my head & I cannot get it out...


I'm movin again

Migraine earlier today - nipped in the bud nicely.
Strange dreams - so much coming out of me.
I think party next weekend for my birthday. I deserve it.