Loong assed nights - at 29º

I hate the cold weather - this is not news. I like snuggling under the layers and layers of comforters - also not news.

But every once in a while I enjoy nights like tonight. I am curled up under the covers, cross stitch project in hand - if you've been around a bit it is the same damned wolf scene I have been working on off and on for freakin ever now. The sky is done and I am 2 colors in to the wolves on the ledge. I am enjoying a light head from the Darvocet. I was taken away to the Westside market today - so much fun - I wish I had the drive to go every week. Mostly I am grateful people showed up to take me out of the house. I digress... I am sipping hot vanilla chai w/ fresh nutmeg, and the cat has given up chasing the thread and is now just purring and sleeping next to me. so pleasant. South Park reruns are on and so I giggle sporadically. Just feels nice. No worries, or at least the suspension of them for just a moment. I like that.


Everything hurts

I love 2 things in life right now. 2 very special things: BioFreeze and Darvocet. Tween the 2 my back hurts less, my arm (which started hurting for no damned reason today in the triceps where I am riddled w/ trigger points, and "inflamed") hurts less, my knees (which showed up w/ painful mystery bruises a week and a half ago) hurts less, and my wrists - cause u know I give it all up for my peeps - er, I mean patients are feeling great.

I'm just joiness about it right now & thought I'd share - & Pan's Labyrinth is in theatres here & I want to go this weekend.


Tomorrow night I settle in to the recorded State of the Union addy w/ Darvocet and so forth on board.


Me & Mini Me

Oh yeah - together again. It has already been only a week - and I miss her like crazy.


Here's to dreams coming true

So it is here: the Piers Anthony "Magic of Xanth" has been acquired. Thank you Joe.

It is the unabridged version however so it is 5 times as long as the original. This will take a while. A happy happy while.


Heading up the hill again...

And yes for those of you keeping score - I will be continuing on the whole "my family is like a rollercoaster" track.

So My Sister: She is amazing & wonderful in everyway. We got the news this week that the incidentaloma is maybe not so incidental. It is more dense than the docs would prefer so they are doing more tests and taking more pics of her innards. We are waiting to see what is next, we have 3 options: 1, it is really an incidentaloma - just a lil denser than preferred - no worries all good. 2, it is another GIST and she has a higher chance of recurrence somewhere else in her system. 3, adrenal cancer - BAD, like I am a vindictive evil bitch and on my worst day, even I wouldn't wish it on my most hated foe. It is possible that she may have to have the adrenal gland removed - but you can live with only one - so not the end of the world.

And my stomach is all knotted and I am going to make my doc appts sometime this week so they can stick the cameras in me and make sure things are as they should be.


"I know u love me, cause u let my spit dry in your ear..."

Ahhhh news - the munchkin is in town. We are having a good time, a crazy time, the usual. I am home right now - there are soo many things going on that it is going to take me a while to update everything. My little brain is just spinning a bit. I wish one of the little dudes would just show me the way thru the forest. I'm feeling damnedly blinded by the trees.


U got the $$$ this is where to put it:

I'm passing on this open letter cause everyone should read it, and if you were until now unaware - you no longer have an excuse:

Thanks to Porphyre

GO HERE for more Info.

"Dear everyone,

We stand at the beginning of the very last week Heart of the World has to make itself a reality. From here we can only see a brief dazzle of seven days before the fateful Monday that makes or breaks our dream. From here we must stand back and seriously consider how close we stand to our goal.

And where we stand is quite close.

If anyone was waiting for just the right time to bring in a Hidden Ace or a Secret Master Plan to win it all, this is exactly it. With one week to go, Heart of the World needs all of us more than ever. We stand near enough to the purchase of the space to smell the sawdust and the fresh paint.

There's still plenty that needs to be done. Shares can still be bought by anyone with a couple hundred to spare. Men and women can still set out to spread the gospel of this grand design. Lonely corners of the internet can still be told. Somewhere out there may be the person, place, solution, or idea that gets this place built.

If you've been waiting for later to get involved, later is now.

Heart of the World is in all probability the first arts center buoyed by the global community. Men and women, artists and audiences, professionals and amateurs from the human multitude have already given their hours, dollars and wishes to this dream. We are all of us carrying the hope and message that human beings care enough about art and each other to come together and create a place like this. For a lot of us, this dream we're nursing is far, far away in some distant corner of the world we probably haven't even thought of until this idea came along. Many of us will never see it once it's built.

But we will hope and we will dream because none of those details matter. Art matters. Community matters. The Heart of the World matters.

We have a week. Send us your ideas, your grasps at straws, your clever last minute plans, and yes even your (or your friends'/contacts'/etc.s') money for a share. This is where it all comes down. This is where the dream becomes real.

Thank you for your time, your love, and all the hope you've given us.

-- Jhayne Holmes and the Heart of the World volunteers"

No, I said, "GO HERE for more Info."

We can let it grow, now how often is that the easy choice?

Today's fortune...

"All that we are is a result of what we have thought." Lucky Numbers: 27, 12, 49, 7, 33, 40

Kinda shitty as far as "fortune" goes. More a statement of random fact. Kind of like my entire statements on "It is important to know your past because it will undoubtedly give birth to who you will become." Which really is all any of us can ask of each other and ourselves.

This all of course coursing through the frontal lobe right now 2º to the conversations I've had these evenings w/ friends. Realizing that I feel like I've been wading in a shallow pool in some of the geographically closest friendships I have. I stop thru Toledo on the way home for the holidays & spend hours upon hours talking with friends there. Yes, there is a portion spent updating eachother, what I'm doing, what they are doing, what their kids are doing, and what our mutual friends are doing. Time spent speculating on mutual friends that have fallen off of the planet. But then there is time spent talking, really talking. We know eachothers' worlds: families, loves, losses, truths, fears, hopes, dreams, histories (even the parts we weren't present for), beliefs, passions, and regrets. Some we know more than others. Some are still being revealed as time keeps moving. When we met, as we spent time together, "back in the day" - we would talk, really talk. Expressed thoughts, and ourselves - yes I know desperate to be understood we told our tales, laid ourselves bare before eachother. We don't do that anymore. We leave that to the college kids, the young Turks all handsome and dashing. We now meet over drinks and keep drinking and next thing you know it is time to crawl into bed or home. There are no endless cups of coffee and tea; periodically broken by snacks. Ok, and at the time cigarettes - almost all of my friends used to smoke. Now we're older Silver Girl, and there is no time for such things, no one listens and everyone is afraid to talk. Or they are all like me and keep forgetting that no one knows me here. No one was around for the past so they aren't aware of it. So many people around me are new, they didn't get the call when my dad died. They weren't with me when Adam passed, or Johnny, or Justin, or Granny (my favorite sleeping dragon - my god, I wrote a 2 page epic poem about what it felt like to watch over her as she slept - no one here has ever read or heard it), or the only grandpa I ever knew - the adopted one, or Puck for that matter. Most of my current geographically closest world wasn't with me when I was raped, or when I dealt with it, not with me when coming home from work one night I found myself without a home to come to. They also weren't around for the best moments, becoming a blood aunt, Titania having kittens, my best friends' weddings, my licensure. We've never prayed or cast together, rarely even touched on our beliefs, let alone touched eachother in ritual.

I miss those connections. My friends, my family. My home in all their homes, and their homes in mine. I miss people knowing where the mugs are and getting their own tea. I miss random visits at all hours of the day and night cushioned only by the gifts of booze and cheesecake. Cause you know if you show up at my door, be you man, woman, flesh, or spirit; as long as you have booze or cheesecake (preferrably both) you are welcome within.

And it is my fault, I keep thinking the poets will find me again drawn as we always were to eachother likes moths burning apart drawn to eachothers' flames. The poets drown their dreams elsewhere now. Maybe I'm just afraid I'm drowning mine too.


Home Sweet Home

When I say this is where I am from & try to describe it as a "teeny tiny village in the middle of nowhere northwest Ohio" this is what I mean. Go look. Maybe it will make more sense in your head.

Notes on "Mini Me"

She got into Findlay - which means she could go to college in this state - She could be less than 3 hrs from me - WOOHOO



Uh huh...this is how I know you mean another me
LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

That is 3,115 too many of me.

The minute things are interesting...

So Bachelor #1: 2007 appears to be a bust. I was vibing him, apparently he wasn't vibing me. Odd though, there was laughter, sparking, giggling and great eye contact on both sides throughout. And more interesting conversation than I've had in months. Feh. Just sucks, I really enjoyed him. Perhaps we'll float thru eachothers' ranks for a time & sort the rest out.

You know at some point I am going to look into the eyes of someone who wants to not stop looking in my eyes. Someone who actually wants to put in the time to see where the rabbit hole goes. I miss being read by someone capable of stringing the words together and accepting them as they are. Someone who can learn all my secrets, allow me to learn all of his, and can still take a deep breath in eachothers' arms, safe. Not idealized perfection, not fantastical romantic dreams, but reality, diarrhea, flu-like symptoms, arguments, insomnia, nightmares, and all. Someone to share those deeper levels that have nothing to do w/ orgasm or physical intimacy at all for that matter. The parts that have far more to do with the nothingness, the wholeness within that we so rarely visit alone, and rarer still open enough to share.

Sidenote of interest for those keeping track

I haven't gotten a paycheck from my old Friday job (Center for Integrated Therapies) in over a month. Nor any information as to when I can expect payment for services rendered in good faith. Nor any follow-through on their idol threats. As if I am about to forget that I am owed money. Interesting that.


What I want, what I really really want...

The audiobook versions of the first 3 books of Piers Anthony's Xanth series.

I had them when I was much younger - I've looked about and the special 6 cassette (yes cassette) edition is no longer in print. I have searched and begged to find them on CD, to no avail. I am searching for any format I can get my hands on, digital, analog, anything but someone else reading them. I have vivid memories of listening to them.

So now you know... my guily pleasure/burning quest. Help me please. Free backrub (the "nice" kind) to anyone who provides
me with information leading to the acquisition of the audio.


None of my ex's live in Texas, as far as I know...

"I just can't believe I missed him at that distance"

-Alan Olive, businessman

Go read and giggle - I did. The concept of A. being upset about not killing the 17 year old kid who shot first, B. A 17 year old kid dumb enough to hold up a competitive marksman, C. The fact that the court has ordered the bullet to be dug out of the still-living kid's head.

All Hi-larious to me. Only in Texas could this be happening.


So not so terrible start to the new year...

I enjoyed last night - @ Jeff's w/ everyone - food and drink and fun. Today shopping w/ Jules and "Long/Tall" Kate. Curled up at the house working on cleaning and the cross stitch that I am making for one of the new moms. And an hour & a half on the phone w/ the guy who is shaping up to be Bachelor #1 : 2007. Funny that, it is a whole new year of the "Hunt" and I am still curling up in flannel far more than a warm pair fo arms. Interesting that one still has my attention thru the crossover. I'm just feeling a little upbeat about the whole endeavor.

Full of sweet sugary joyness.