And yet again the leaderz give me a fresh reason to be angry

I do not have words for exactly how fucked up this is & the losses the nations involved are unspeakable, despite the bare numbers, they are speakable, but do not do justice to the full gravity of the situation...

Fuck me

I'm up at 3:44am. Why is that? you are wondering... I cleaned and scrubbed and sweated my ass of yesterday and had a lil bit of supper, and was out like a light by midnight. FROM EXHAUSTION. and now I am awake, I think my mom was up and moving around, and it woke me enough for my brain to start. I wonder if anyone has ever done any study on the punishment of the diminished quality of life brought about by the stress and anxiety of going to court, I'm lying here freaking out about a mandatory court appearance on Tuesday for a traffic violation. I cannot do anything about it. I am just lying here crunching numbers, trying to rehearse my wording and fretting. I suck. DiFranco is hovering about me and wants love, which I am cuddling him & writing. I just can't get back to sleep and I still feel exhausted, freakin exhausted.

I'm gonna stretch and maybe drink some decaf chai and try to sleep more.

if you have any advice let me know.


This made me smile..

Go watch the geisha on the drums, it makes me giggle, and forget for a moment the craziness. Just relax into the simple pleasure... To follow the path I took to find it: Warren posted a pic of a toy geisha a few days ago, then Ectoplasmosis (Ectomo) tossed a bit w/ the link, I love how my world closes back into itself sometimes. Then again I have been reading bits of House of Leaves lately...


Enough about me...

I said good-bye today to a dear friend. My Toby is moving far far away to the promised land (Seattle). It is a great move for him, and should give him a fresh start. I think that I will miss him a lot. A whole lot.


clear frogs are kewl

Freakin' awesome. I would have loved this in school now if we can only get clear fetal pigs...

Junior in New Orleans

"Unload" the rough cut


I did it

I said, "No." I declined. It was not enough money. They entertained my counter-offer, but could not exceed the max's set on the dept. I am still in the running. I am proceeding on as planned. I will make it.

Thank you.

I need support and affection right now.

Not calling to talk is the hardest thing in the world it is tearing me up inside: all I hear are my own words screaming in my ears... No communication means nothing changes... everyone needs time to sort themselves out, including you... I am sorting, and I like some of what I have found, not all of it, and the only person i want to talk about it with, I know I shouldn't, not yet. I feel vulnerable. I feel tied up to a chair, naked, exposed, and wanting. I know i tied myself up here, I had to to keep from pursuing, I just hope that I can let myself free soon, let myself go.

all good, thanks for reading, I just have to spit this out...


Rub your grubby lil

candy covered monkey paws together....

& cross your fingers for me

I received a very interesting job offer today. I was in a position to make a counter-offer. So I did.

i need luck again & divine intervention even to help this along.

I need...

Training was great tonight. I am so happy that I decided to move forward with this volunteering.


Fascinating - doesn't apply to me

I am not a spider. But it is pretty freakin cool.

Cause I would love to try it...

As it is I am sleeping in 2 hour bursts, waking up w/ pain & drugging or talking myself back to sleep. Thank you for all of the support and late night phone calls - even the ones I sleep through. I am off to interview tomorrow & my pts talked sense to me about going to court (all advice seconded by the lawyer). I am proceeding with the volunteering, I am moving forward. I just hope my instincts are right.


Another to mourn

Marcel Marceau is gone. A man who brought the silence to life in this chaotic world. I hope he is at peace.


I'm still

going to Columbus.

I am not leaving the things that I love.

I am not punishing myself for this.
I am worth more than that.

Even if i were a man this would be a fair representation...


She rocks the party that rocks the party...

I love my Katelynn and her art.

Go, support her new showing at the Studio of the 5 Rings (SO5R) - WooHoo!!
November 16 thru January 5, I'd recommend one of the private tastings, & the wine is fantastic!!


Add me to the list

These are fucking brilliant...

The fuck you say...

Originally posted 19, 9, 2007 @ 6:20pm Proof once again that there is so little decency left in the world that a "Superflu" is a good idea...

I find it hysterical that I am so offended by this and no less than 3 of the blogs i regularly read have addressed it in the last 24 hrs. Also by people who were highly offended by it.



A terrible thought..

"A terrible thought has moved into my mind, I do not want it gets me drunk on wine; it feeds on my happiness and won’t pay the rent, I must take proper measures to evict
A terrible thought has moved into my mind, a giant rat that’s nibbling on my pride
It’s wearing away my patience and my wit
I must take proper measures, set a trap for it"

I am better, kinda
Food stayed down, I am not of the “lost her damned mind” category, it was more of the fucking shocked to Hell for a night.

I am in love w/ the SMODcast – and I have now entered the 8th level of hell by blogging about a podcast. I suck.



the ruling not the woman or the doctor she sued...

just bright & smart for a change.


have i mentioned how much i hate puking.

i ate. mashed potatoes - simple, not even spicy
I had it down for 20 mins.

mmmmmm uglier on the way back up.
I'm not ok
I will be
i hate being stoopid
i hate admitting stoopid moves
i hate these moments
They will not be over soon
It is terrifying this next move, stage of things...

"Those little things that keep me going are no longer any good for me"
"Those little things"

Maybe embarassing is more the problem as my face reddens at the thought of disclosing everything. So I won't - I'll make cryptic comments, offering up a play-by-play of the effects on me, rather of me.

exquisite joi and pain. I am loved, I am cared for even as the stoopid parts are revealed. Even as the shame rears it's ugly head in my voice.

I'm gonna lay down, & try not to feel like a little bitty worm on a big fucking hook.


Long story
I'm taking donations...


Fucking hysterical

Who else thinks this is hysterical???
Go to
Log in with Username: nycareers, Password: landmark
Take the "Career Matchmaking" questionnaire

1.Physical Therapy Assistant
2.Fitness Instructor
3.Athletic Trainer
5.Public Health Nurse
7.Personal Trainer
8.Environmental Consultant
9.Occupational Therapist
10.Massage Therapist
11.Physical Therapist
13.Environmental Engineer
16.Dental Hygienist
18.Plastic Surgeon

When I say...

Ugly bitches, I really meant it.

Grow the fuck up

and consider everything about your children - yes, this is going to be hard. they will suck out your soul. you have to think of everything. SUCK IT UP

and could someone show me one incident of crocs getting an adult's foot caught in an escalator

take the fucking stairs or put your kids in shoes that give them some support for their growing feet and stabilization for their movements.


I'm off to see the Ani...

the wonderful Ani of love, and Melissa Ferrick - I am so excited - w/ some of my girls.


Pray for me

Cross ur damned fingers - my interview is this morning.





I'm watching you....

& since I am comin' off the narcs, "my bowels are looser than a Catholic womb."


I spent last night at Johnny Mango's for my birthday. If my father were still alive he and my mother would have been married for 34 years yesterday. Today I am 30 years old and the changes in my life since last year have been significant. I loved being surrounded by my friends last night, I loved being in their arms and seeing their smiling faces. I was honored with a delicious red velvet cake with cream cheese icing, and the presence of Kerry, Nevin, Jeff, Becca, Justin, Ira, Rebecca, Toby, Meghan, and Joe. I'm getting my heart, an iPod - dunno specs on it, kinda don't care - just excited to start playing with it - entering the age of mp3 players as I stare at the 17+ year old boombox that has served as my surrogate stereo and DJ booth respectively during this time, both yet to be delivered. Among the other gifts were an OhMiBod so completely unexpected, it had apparently been back-ordered for 6 wks - cause I am the luckiest girl in the world, with the best boifriend/lover ever - I'll spare my beloved readers the details, but know that this Stella has had her groove handed back to her on a gilded pillow. Several Stephen King books (thank u guys, I can't wait to start reading them, I have to finish "Power, Sex, & Suicide: Mitochondria and the secret meaning of life" first). Nevin gave me The Avenging Unicorn playset wrapped in recycled x-mas paper done up w/ Charlie quotes & pic - topping the best wrapped gift category (it makes me laugh sooo hard). Which was a wise choice - I think the Avenging Narwhal might have made Becca cry. I sat up after we got home yesterday crying while I read the book that Rebecca made for me. I love you so much, thank you for sharing that with me, I know it will keep me warm on the nights ahead, just like our love has brought us both strength in the past.

As to the rest of me, I have Vicodin in my system, TENS unit on my back, and leftover Red Threat in my belly. I am craving pancakes & waiting on the pain to go away.

I'm so happy that I can't stop crying.Thank you.


Death of a storyteller...

Madeleine L'Engle has joined the ranks of those which passed before. And the world will be decidedly less without her in it. I remember discovering the "Wrinkle" when I was very young, and I now sit in the blissful joi that I was lucky enough to have enjoyed her in her lifetime.
Shed a tear my friends and gather close to keep eachother warm and perhaps to share our dreams. With luck there will be a dark and stormy night this weekend and we can drink to her ourselves.


Isn't it a possibility, just a tiny one. That is would be a better idea to simply carry on the family name thru the female children than the male? After all there is never a doubt which womb a child popped out of. Husbands can take their wife's name and so on... Isn't this a better option than killing or mutilating the female offspring just because they aren't male?

I'm just sayin... The end of the patriarch is not the end of the world, just a change. Change being a good thing, rather than this stagnant existence of insanity expecting different results while living the same lives day in and day out. As these days drag on Aeon Flux seems like a better and better idea. Or maybe I am just on a feminista kick right now, my ovaries are churning, and my attack womb is set to kill. How much power have we given up, and what are we willing to do to reclaim it?

'bout goddamned time...

It has taken how long for someone to stand up & say, "no."


My orders...

"You must act as the righteous hand of justice in the land of cleve in my absence."

What have I gotten myself into and why and I a superhero all of a sudden?

Why? tell me why?

{click on the pic for link to the artist}

Why attack Planned Parenthood?

Ok, I get the whole "sanctity of life" ideology, but there is so much more to Planned Parenthood than that. If you buy into that ideology then you might not want to support it, but why try to deny access to others who don't share your views?

why attack women who are trying to take care of their bodies in this age of medical horrors, where one suffers adn dies in silence every day because the cervical cancer goes undiagnosed because they can't afford healthcare or insurance, so they never get checked out. If you want non-abortion options with the same medical care then open a clinic and offer it, but demonizing women for exercising their legal options, for choosing how they choose to proceed with their personal health choices is beyond me.

It makes me wonder about the burning times, since this was one of the things you would go to your local "wise woman" to take care of...

And then you get into the card carrying hypocrites who support killing babies overseas in the war, but god forbid a baby here die. There is nothing ass foolish to me as seeing a car with pro Bush stickers & pro-life stickers. And yet here we are in 2007 still fighting the coat hangers.

To learn and decide for yourself check here. I personally used Planned Parenthood in those hazy years post-parental health insurance/pre-my own health insurance, I was charged on a sliding scale (I was poor, read that as very poor) and I was able to get my pap smears, and make sure if nothing else my innards were in working order. If they had not been available to me, I do not know what I would have done for healthcare at that time. I have stood as a volunteer walking women in through protesting crowds, in a bright orange vest, to stand as strength and help assure safety. I have gone with friends to appointments for contraceptives, regular appointments, and abortions. I have held hands, dried tears, and offered any other comfort in my power.

I am not pro-abortion, but I am solidly against legislating or interfering in anyone else's personal healthcare choices. I have never seen an "easy" abortion, it is not a light decision, but I believe every woman has the right to decide which eggs she grows to term.

like this...

I'm going to Columbus...

Who's coming with me?

Yep, those burning times...

sure are over.

Why is it with the spread of Christianity there is an almost insatiable need to persecute women. Old women, what the hell?

I'm just sayin...


Sad, his voice will be missed, I take great comfort in the fact that Luciano Pavarotti lived in a time of recorded sound. I'll be falling asleep to his voice tonight...


YAY - so little time til I'm 30

It has just been a rough week - I want to take a 30 hr nap.


cause god forbid

that things actually get done.

God forbid disasters be handled by people who show up to handle them, and FEMA can totally make good decisions. And I love the part about how the private citizens would be welcome a few days into the disaster... cause by then things will be under "control" and there will be less people to help cause more will be dead.

fucking stupid.



6 days til my birthday...