I promise I will never seek to invalidate your experiences.
I may see an angle that you don't or see where someone's intentions were not what came across.
I may offer insights.
I will NEVER seek to tell you that what you experienced is invalidated by my experiences or by time.
If I purposefully hurt you, I do not expect you to be kind to me afterwards, I do not expect forgiveness, I do not expect you to magickally let go of it after I've walked away & moved on. I do not expect you to trust me on ANY level.
If you purposefully hurt me, I will distrust you, I will actively seek to keep you as far away from me & mine as I can. I will not hold my tongue about your past behavior. I will speak out, I will not pretend you were born yesterday & have never hurt anyone in your past.
If I see you manipulate & hurt people I care about - I will not treat you with kindness.
If I am seen as behaving in the same manner I expect nothing less than the same treatment.

Tonight I found out that the ex-boifriend's psycho ex-wife has been reading my blog. 1 word: CREEPY. Very Very Creepy. Wow, just wow, it has never dawned on me to want to read her writings. I don't want to. I have actively had nothing to do with her until she showed up at my house unannounced, uninvited, Labor Day weekend. I did find out she had trepidation about coming & tried to come w/ another couple, HOWEVER, she never tried in any way to have meaningful contact with me. The only way that anything could have been made easier for either of us. As I've never demonstrated to be a violent person, never demonstrated to scream a few inches from the face of the person I am upset with - I find it interesting that she felt that wasn't possible. Back to the blog reading. Eww, I was informed that writing about my experiences, processing them, in this forum was upsetting to her. She claimed that my writing is upsetting to my ex. If he reads more than whatever she points out to him, if he is hurt & wants to live in a world where talking to her makes him feel better than addressing it with me - I want nothing to do with it. That would be a huge part of why the relationship was so toxic.

Tonight for the first time & after much prodding she admitted that what she did was inappropriate. I am still processing it & will be writing as I do. This was also the first time she didn't call me magnanimous. That made me happy.

If you don't like it or are taking my writing personally - stop reading. - I don't force the people I have in mind when I do write to the living, to read it, Jase, Wes, feel free to chime in on that one as you are usually the peeps I have in mind. For all others, this is not for you. This is for me & the people that I care about, continuing to read my writing for some strange ammunition, for more of my "hurtful hidden messages meant just for you", etc... Is officially discouraged. I don't do the LJ privacy stuff because I don't care who reads as a general point. However that revelation from tonight is increasingly disturbing. To track my blog long after we stop having any association with eachother I am finding more stalker/creepy as time goes by.


In this moment

Tonight I came home, showered, fell almost asleep. The door became locked & I was txted to let the boi in. We left for dinner @ the Diner. Shepherd's Pie - the first of the season was deeelicious - still too much mushrooms for me but then it always inspires me to make it from scratch without them. I like some of the earthy notes they lend to a dish like that - I wonder if I could use powdered mushrooms for the same effect...
We attended the Makers Alliance mtg. I saved the tears for when I got home. The idea is not yet the institution but is still growing into the dream.
On the way home we hit a pharmacy. Eye drops (gel rewetting drops - freakin awesome), Airborne - cuz I am out & the Very Berry turned out to be tasty, & a thumb brace for the MCP (MetaCarpalPhalengeal) joint. It has been really bothering me since I restarted on the Vit D.

Right now I am curled under 3 comforters, over an electric blanket, w/ both cats tucked in, I am fed, comfy& happy.

Just thought I'd share - I have more pending as usual - least lately - but for this minute, happy.