Schrödinger's Relationship

"Schrödinger's cat is an imaginary experiment — a thought experiment — devised by Erwin Schrödinger, which is often described as a paradox. It attempts to illustrate what he saw as the problems of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics when it is applied to systems large enough to be seen with the naked eye, and not just to atomic or subatomic systems.

It is accepted that a subatomic particle can exist in a superposition of states, a combination of possible states. According to the Copenhagen Interpretation, the superposition only settles into a definite state upon observation. This is known as collapse or measurement.

Schrödinger proposed his "cat", after a suggestion of Albert Einstein's. Schrödinger states that if a scenario existed where a cat's state of life or death could be made dependent on the state of a subatomic particle, and also isolated from any possible observation, the state of the cat itself would be a quantum superposition — according to the Copenhagen interpretation, at least.

Schrödinger did not wish to promote the idea of dead-and-alive cats as a serious possibility. Rather he believed the "absurd" conclusion indicated a flawed assumption. Some, not realizing his cat is a demonstration of the absurd, believe the cat is, indeed, half-dead and half-alive."

I thought I would take a moment to explain how this applies to relationships between people of all kinds: from friends to acquaintances to strangers to lovers. Schrödinger's relationship exists when there is no communication, no collapse. No one is allowed to know where the 2 parties are at because they are not communicating. Assumptions can be made and presumptions followed. One of the parties may decide that the silence "means something" but in reality the only thing being conveyed is silence. The relationship is nothing until at the first point of resuming or starting communication it comes into being. For good or bad for understanding or disrespect nothing exists until that moment. And once silence resumes nothing exists again. I mean more than just radio silence here, I mean silence of all communications - verbal, non-verbal, touch, visual, aural, everything and anyway to communicate.

Now mayhaps be there are people who disagree with me, and say that silence speaks volumes to them. & I say that is very nice. It means nothing to me but a lack of communication. I listen to all the things I hear someone not saying and know that it is projection. I know that I am reading my own wants, desires, and fears into their silence and that is not fair to all involved. As a child, when I thought and acted as a child I read silence as assent when it suited my purposes. As an adult I know damned well where the lines are drawn and silence does not equate agreement. It equates nothing, it equates Schrödinger's relationship.

Fuck the silent treatment in the eye.


On cowards

I find that when people take the path of least resistance it is ultimately a display of cowardice. Choosing silence over communication is cowardice. Choosing avoidance rather than friendly discourse is cowardice. Expecting silence to speak for you because you are too weak to speak for yourself. Cowardice of this nature does not preclude macho/brave behavior, like killing a man in battle or choosing to let one live. It does not preclude one's ability to get up in the morning and go to work and face the world. This is a very specific cowardice. A cowardice of the heart.

So few things on the planet disgust me more.


I feel like a weight has been lifted

A huge weight.

Like i have been holding my breath underwater with a 2ton weight on my chest.

Waiting - I needed to know under or over and I have an answer I'm over. & I am. I freakin feel great. Lil trepidation about the future, but I think I can make this work. I hate hearing/seeing the pain in it - the changes in a bad way in a good man. I'm watching the Incredibles & I am planning a lil ritual cleansing for later tonight. I found my flash paper, but I have the marble bowl and the alcohol to burn down while I meditate.

I am rocking thru the bachelor hunt w/ 3 in the running right now. I will write up later the Turkey Day adventures breaking into the shopping concentration camp & the bachelor who decided that permission to kiss = permission to grope me and try to use my breasts as stress balls. He is gone already - in fact that was the whole story, but he was also east indian and had not sorted out deodorant yet - so when we were close & he moved his arms it was ookie. very ookie.

OK back to the drawing board.

Someday my zombie will come?


Happy Shopping Day

I am off to the outlet mall to shop with my mom & sister.

Doors open @ midnight. Oh my.


What exactly do calls for society to "do more" mean?

This was posted by Bitch PhD on the Suicide Girls blogness and I found it important enough to copy over and link here in it's entirety. I have looong & aforementioned issues with the sexual violence in the world. I think changes need to be made. & for a change of pace this is the first rational writing I've seen that expresses my views on reproductive rights to perfection. thanks.

"What exactly do calls for society to "do more" mean?"

"Excellent question. What *should* society do, if we wanted (crazy feminist pipe dream, but bear with me) to live in a world where pregnancy and motherhood were recognized as simple facts of life, rather than as abnormal? In other words, where we granted women full humanity? 

Lots of things. But since I'm not writing an encyclopedia here, let's focus specifically on some of the things that directly effect pregnancy, childbirth, and mothering young children.

First, let's decide that birth control is absolutely the responsibility of *all* heterosexually active people of whatever age. If you do not want children, and you are a man, you are responsible for using birth control. If we, as a society, *really* believed that, you damn well know we'd have a lot more birth control options for men than we do now. Shit, people, the only reason anyone talks about condoms is because of AIDS. Condoms sure as hell weren't on the radar before then. And if we really believed that sexually active people should be responsible for birth control, then we wouldn't even have these fucking arguments about whether or not we should tell young people about it or make it available to them. 

Second, let's also recognize the corollary: that if sexually active people are responsible for birth control, then they are *also* responsible for deciding if and when they don't want to use it. And that this, along with the fact that no birth control is 100% effective, means that women will get pregnant if they are sexually active--not all women, but some women, of all ages, and from all walks of life. And that since this is the case, scolding women for being pregnant "too young," or "too poor," or "when they're not ready" according to us, or because they're addicts or alcoholics or crazy or "unfit," in our minds, will simply not happen--because if sexually active people are responsible for using, or not using, birth control, then it is NONE OF OUR FUCKING BUSINESS if they don't.

Third, we would recognize that human beings (1) *will* be sexually active, and (2) *will*, therefore, get pregnant. Because human beings are living creatures, and one of the essential qualities of being "alive" is being able to reproduce. So reproduce we will. Reproducing is not a moral issue, or an occasion for passing judgment; it is a simple fact of life. 

Fourth, because of this, we would structure our world around this basic fact and the things it involves: pregnancy, childbirth, and the demands of caring for young children. We wouldn't expect young women to quit school if they got pregnant; we would acknowledge that sometimes young women *will* get pregnant before they are finished with their formal educations, and we would accommodate this: schools would have nursing rooms and changing tables, we would provide daycare and allow young women and men with children to bring them to class (if they weren't disruptive), to step out (when and if they became disruptive), and to schedule their classes around elementary school hours--which would themselves be based on research in child psychology and development, rather than on agricultural seasons or the "9 to 5 workday." If this meant that young parents took a little longer to finish high school, college, or graduate school, that would be just fine, and there would be no sanctions for not finishing in the "average" amount of time (which would probably be higher than it currently is, since young parents would be better able to stay in school).

Fifth, the 9 to 5 workday wouldn't exist. Work would be reconfigured, since we'd recognize that "the worker" wasn't a 19th-century factory worker who needed to be physically present in the factory in order to take his place on the assembly line; instead, we'd define work in terms of projects, tasks, processes, and results. Where work required one to be in the same physical place as other people at the same time, we would of course provide workplaces for that to happen, and when it was better to have the material aspects of work (paperwork, hardware, merchandise, etc.) in one place, employers would build those things or rent space. But when a job didn't require that, we'd let people do the work when and where they were able--at home, in the workplace, wherever. Perhaps employers would subsidize employees renting private or shared office space under some conditions, in order to shorten their commutes, make their work time more efficient, and save money on infrastructure. Employers would certainly provide changing tables and nursing rooms in official workplaces, and taking children to work would be just fine--again, as long as doing so was safe and not disruptive. Where it wasn't, we'd set up formal and informal daycare arrangements of all types: private centers in high-density work areas; employer-provided daycare for very large employers who required many or most of their employees to be in the workplace much of the time; public daycare and preschools; round-the-clock availability when this was cost effective, some kind of economic support (like Medicare will pay for hiring a private nurse) when it wasn't.

Sixth, we'd recognize that some people, because of physical or mental disabilities, personal preference, dangerous or neglectful behavior, and even death, would not be able to be their children's primary care providers. Where they were willing and able to provide *some* of their children's care, we'd prioritize their doing so, but we'd accept, encourage, and where necessary provide supplementary care, preferring (in order): extended family members, friends and acquaintances, and--where absolutely necessary--strangers. When these accommodations needed to be made, we'd provide supplemental caregivers with training, material support, and social services if those things were needed. 

Seventh, we'd recognize that even primary care providers cannot--and should not--be solely responsible for their children's welfare, because children, too, are human beings, social animals, and by definition members of society. So parents, too, would receive supplemental services when they needed them. Also, children would be accepted in all public and private venues, and we'd accommodate their needs and limitations just as we do those of people with disabilities. Recognizing that they need adult supervision, that childhood is (in part) a process of socialization, and that the developmental, psychological, and physical needs of children are different than those of adults, we would of course provide alternate forms of entertainment for them where appropriate, sympathetically excuse them (and their parents or supervising adults) from situations where they became disruptive, and be patient with their social lapses. Being supportive of primary caregivers would be a basic social expectation, like holding the door open for someone carrying a heavy package; this would mean that all sorts of rare politenesses would become matters of course: correcting misbehaving children ("young man, you should listen to your mother"), lending a quick hand ("let me help you get that stroller down the stairs"), and providing public amenities that recognized that children are members of the public (low toilets and sinks, family restrooms, barriers between walkways and streets). Breastfeeding, it should go without saying, would be a perfectly acceptable and unremarkable public activity.

If we did these things, then it would be a lot easier to raise children, and most of the "special" burdens of motherhood would be ameliorated or erased--and where it wasn't possible to do this, we'd consider them human burdens, and take them into account, rather than scolding, judging, or punishing women for having to bear them.

A Bitch_PhD can dream.
" this last links directly to her blog & not the SG site.


Speaking of Alan Moore

This is why I still LOVE the Simpsons.


I love Alton Brown

If you know me this is not new. In the top 20 reasons for loving him at this time I can list: He's reading "Watchmen" by Alan Moore. He was hosting "Iron Chef America" tonight and said,"It (the clock) will stab you in the back like a rusty stiletto..." That alone would be enough. But alas I am a dork. I love the sciencey bits of food and therefore the things he brings to the screen are the most appropriate for me to watch.

I just wanted to say out loud, I love Alton Brown.


I am getting ready to leave

I want to leave it all behind - tooling down the highway at some insane speed (the autobahn so it is legal to do so - smartass) and screaming my fool head off. I want to wake up and to be in another bed in another time and everything to be different. I know this can't happen, no one gets to wake up new tomorrow, but then again we do everyday. I light a candle and say a prayer that the next moment I remember that is because I am marveling at how true it is & not because I am trying to talk myself into or out of something. the cats are snuggled in next to me clueless that I am about to destroy their happiness by getting up and moving around. I am trying to decide which shoes to wear tonight, easy to get on and off or girlie shoes. I found out last night that my Statler used to live with the ex-owner of DiFranco, such is the full circle of my life. Perhaps as the dolphins fucking everything else will come back around as well. & I know this is rambly - I'm gonna go watch some movies.



So I went to the opening tonight. It hurt like hell & there were only a few awkward moments. The owners remembered me as well as my partner from the other time we were there. The pain was sharp like a corkscrew winding into my chest. The wines we'd tasted together were still delicious, but now hurt. The new wine was amazing. The aforementioned Statler to my Waldorf showed up & we cracked eachother up, even spending a half hour in the car dropping her off laughing. the laughter felt good, but here at home it just reminds me of laughing in bed. I miss making love at all hours of the day & night. I miss someone caring about me. I miss the world I saw in his eyes. I miss trust.

Thank u for accepting that I'm not mad.

On Law & Order

Yes cue the music. the Dun Dun...

According to the show L&O SVU this week Louisiana has a law on the books that if you rape a child under the age of 12 you can be killed for it. It is a capitol offense. I have to confess that I like it. In fact I love it. I want some more of it. It is not a deterent to other people not to do it - killing for killing never is. But, the hateful vengeful creature still residing in my breast says otherwise. It is the same creature that says all rapists should be killed slowly with great intent and malice. I know this doesn't work in a world where the justice system is not perfect & send innocents to jail, but if it were then there would be no rapes. I know this. & still I want them to die. I'm just voicing it.


"Mummy, Mummy, Are you my mummy?"

Seriously 2 words: "Fucking Creepy"



My face is red, I'm curled @ home & can't seem to get my temp right, I'm too hot then too cold then too hot again, I am cold to the touch & bundle up to sleep and then I wake up sweating. I sit comfy wearing nothing and next thing I know I'm cold to the touch. AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Oh well. I'm just sharing right now, I'm wanting a lot of things I can't have and having a lot of things I can't want. Training went really well yesterday. I am going to shadowing this week, then I can start taking hotline calls, then the simulation is gonna be at Hillcrest on the following Monday - grrr to the traffic surrounding the place right now, if anyone knows of better ways to get there than the obvious - please let me know cause we have to be there by 6pm & I of course will be coming from Brookpark. I am kinda happy to finish the training for the face to face program as well. I could use the distraction. I'm hurting. I wish it were over. Just over or under, I'd still rather be under.



The interview went very well this morning. I am very excited about it all.

I have training tomorrow & freedom the rest of the weekend. Let me know if ur up for food or drink = I need both.

I'm enjoying some down time for the moment, I love horror movies. I really really really really really do. Right now they are helping me relax so very much.



OK, I am out of court.
They tossed everything but the speed which they reduced to a 4th degree misdemeanor. With that alone I was facing up to $250 in fines and up to 30 days in jail. She (the judge) suspended the 30 days & cut $50 off of the fine - so w/ court costs I owe $350. Not to mention the $600 I paid the lawyer. The lawyer was perfect, just what I needed. I feel very taken care of and satisfied with his services. That is I am more than willing to recommend him is anyone needs an attorney. But I'm not going to associate a professional's good name w/ my writings so drop me an email/comment if u ever need the intel.

I'm breathing and taking a moment before going in to work today - I am just happiness.


up early - getting ready for court - getting ready to meet Mr Lawyerman - roawr. Luck & Luck & Prayers - Hell, Small Sacrifices are being accepted.

& I hope it will be over now. OVER.




OK, I got a call this morning (early) from a hiring manager at the Cleve Clinic. She wanted to set up an interview with me So we did (Friday morning - happy thoughts). I of course called the bossman about the other position (the one I want) and of course he was not happy to hear that no one had contacted me. Apparently the higher management has decided to not give them a PSR instead they are allowed to hire a billing complier - he recommended that I go see if I qualify for that position and let me know that under no uncertain terms if they get a green light in the future that I am on the top of his list - I joked that I'd end up @ the Clinic one way or another - he said he would hunt me down and make sure that I'm top pick for it. He also reminded me to email & let him know as soon as I do get in.

Grrrrrroawr, Ok, It makes no difference. In the sense that I would not have done a damned thing differently in the last week.

All for now, we wait.

I am going to sleep soon

I want to sleep I want to sleep I want to sleep & I will. I'm gonna put on a scary movie & sack out.



not a hoohaa, not a va-jay-jay, not a flower, not a pussy, not a cunt.


How is it so fucking hard to say VAGINA?

ok, I'm a Grey's fan & when it was used in the show it was cute & a tension breaker - we needed one at that moment as we were reaching critical mass: what with Burke shot, Miranda about to have a baby, her husband having brain surgery, Izzy's guy about to get a new heart or not, generally all hell breaking loose.

BUT to use it in place of VAGINA, the medical term, the perfectly respectful and acceptable way of referring to female genitalia. Fucking stupid & juvenile.

I feel a monologue coming on. Me and my Pouch of Douglas are going away. If u want to know where that is look it up.

I'm in love with Fearnet

the lil Video on Demand bit on my cable service has a freezone (no cost luv) and usually there is muck all to watch on it - last month TNT was offering "Ghosts of Mars" whenever I wished to view it. BUT now there is FearNet, and I have a choice of like 30 horror movies from "See No Evil" to either of "The Blob"s. I am so happy to have horror on in the background. I'm gonna make some chili - using the last of my ground venison and venison sausage. mmm simmering in the crockpot all night. & I can toss the last of the Pinot Noir into it. I've also found a solution to the high sodium levels in canned refried beans: I found a dehydrated mix so I can cook up as much or as little as I want to go on my chips - this brings me joi, of course I also have control over how thick they are. Then at some point I've been promised a trip to the candy store, I love the smells - only looking for maybe little hard candies, but I like the idea of all the candy at my fingertips, make me feel a little Dot, as in Dot Warner, as in Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. I think later I'll put in Animaniacs and giggle. mmm giggle


Oh Saturday

I am curled up watching Event Horizon - it's been a really long time & I do enjoy many of the actors in it - knitting Toby's hat - I'll finish it today, enjoying the Darvocet - the pain is pretty intense today, I've had the TENS unit on twice now and it feels like someone injected knots into my PSIS (Posterior Superior Iliac Spine - er rather those 2 divits on the back of ur hips one on each side of ur spine - prolly tender to the touch), DiFranco is curled up next to me being uber cuddly. I'm putting off watching Daywatch cause I want to have a very clear head to enjoy it. I rewatched half of Nightwatch last night - I'm picking up a lot of little things now that I've finished the Daywatch novel. I've caught up on the tv shows that my DVR has lovingly saved for me: I am in love with Pushing Daisies. I am so happy Nip/Tuck is back that I almost cried - even as the opening credits started, I felt the stress melting away as the voice came on singing,"make me... beautiful" I've missed it a lot. I'm not even harboring any major complaints about the shows I usually watch: despite Tom Selleck joining the cast, Vegas is getting a lil extra goofy. I'm eagerly awaiting the return of Law & Order, the CSI's are keeping my attention, even CSI NY - I've finally gotten into it completely. I like the Bionic Woman and Next Top Chef. Go Mike Symon!!!

I am looking foward to finishing up the court thing this week (cross ur fingers & say your prayers for Wednesday), I'm taking donations. I am hoping that I will hear from the Clinic this week. The position is off of the help wanted list so they have filled it, but in my rundown it has not gotten a lil "sorry good luck in ur job hunt" note so I just don't know if it is filled w/ me or not. I hope so - it would be such a good thing. & of course there is snow in the forecast for this week. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!


Trembling in my arms.

I am bouncing around the house & I have "You and You and Me" in my brain. I miss the trembling. I miss the moment. I am waiting for it to be over or under. I vote under. But then I have "Under You" floating in my brain too.

OK - & I am off to Mangos tonight and it will be delicious. & there will be mojitos. & there will be joi. Cause I said so.

Halloween is such trickery

It's not Cleopatra - it is my precious, my niecey-grl...

OK, Guilty pleasure #205 saddened

Dog said the N word. It makes me sad. I like the show, I like the way he interacts w/ family & friends & fugitives. I have enjoyed it (privately away from everyone) on in the background. It makes me happy to watch - & it is a taste of Hawaii usually that makes me think of Laurie and how much I miss her, but it is nice to see the sun shine where it shines on her.

he said a word. His son taped a phone conversation knowing his father & knowing damned well it would be said and sold it too the National Enquirer. Fuck that. fuck that in the eye. You don't turn on your own father. Maybe I'm pissed cause the pastoral side of Dog's talks w/ fugitives as he tries to help turn their lives around reminds me of my dad. The way he interacts w/ his children and smiles a lot even though things aren't ok, all remind me of my dad. He just doesn't randomly break into song (Yellow Submarine) the way my dad did. & in case u r new: my father passed away a few years ago. So I am a lil misty eyed when it comes to things that remind me of him.

I'm not saying using the N word is a good or acceptable thing. Right now in the world it isn't if you have not black skin. I understand that, the history of the word, the world of things that have happened. I don't like that a word, any word could be used to hurt people and could be such a symbol of hatred that it cannot be used for the sheer force that it carries with it. I wish that Love had the opposite effect. I wish that by saying the word it brought peace and hope instead of using a word which carries pain and anger.

I hope things work out & the show resumes production & we get to keep watching. I'm just sayin... I like my guilty pleasures & want to keep them.