Oh here I am

Up in the middle of the night - waiting for sleep that seems to have lost my number.
On the upside I have a job interview for an LMT position next Tues morning - however it will be indie contracted & not solid. & C has hooked me up w/ possible seasonal work on the eastside. & I'm still meeting w/ the owner of the Salon around the corner for wknd indie contracted relaxation work there. I need $$$.

Obi is doing well, fat & purrlicious as usual. DiFranco has lost a lot of weight, kinda lookin a lil skin & bones. I can't get him to eat the NutriCal - I'm worried a bit, but he is acting like normal- just looks all crazed because of the BioSpot oiliness on his neck yet.

In trying to patch my wall tonight - my housemate caused some sparks from the electric. It is out, we are fine - it is just a much bigger job to sort out than we thought. And yes - it kinda freaks me out.

I'm chillin in bed - hoping for rest soon, I swear my sleep schedule is completely screwy again - I'm up & then I'm down then i'm up again & the phone is jammed in next to my pillow so I won't miss a call as I doze during the day. This is still my best time of night. No caffeine, NONE. Which makes it stranger. oi.

Happy Devil's Night

On this night I remember the details of Brandon Lee's death, where I was, how I found out. The circumstances surrounding my first viewing of the film. It is New Year's Eve on soooo many levels. I love it. I had it on tonight as I was sewing the costume for one of my housemates - she is going to be an eel - my meager sewing skills brought forth a barely fitting strapped frock - which is kinda cool considering it was a satiny material & I couldn't find my good shears to cut it with & have no pins to pin & couldn't find my tape to measure. I had the opportunity to do the zombie makeup for a friend of mine - it was cool all Thompsonesque - I did a temple wound - I love doing that.

On the flip I slid into The Crow the deeper issues, the things that cannot be forgiven & all the bits & pieces that O'Barr's work struck in me. They still strike. I'm like a giant bell & he strikes just right to leave me ringing for days. My thoughts feel thready, I'm to bed.

O freakin K

Best moment of the night - I just got to my room AND I just turned on the recording of Castle from tonight. And our blessed Nathan Fillion is putting on... ... ... Oh hells yes!!! a "space cowboy" costume. Yeppers, it is our beloved Capt'n Tightpants in everything but the browncoat - the coat had a hint of red to it but that can be forgiven. Oh how I love that man. AND I love Firefly. AND I love Halloween. AND fantastic Frank Miller comic book details. AND using a Dremel to carve a pumpkin in the shape of Max Shreck. AND acting like a proper father to his tv daughter. JOI - tonight's episode has made watching Castle totally worth every moment. Seriously it only gets better - I am not erasing this til it airs again & then only to rerecord it.

Tonight the other best moments included possibly ending drama & strife in my life involving someone I love. Oh how this could end some of the relationship mindfuckery if everyone is agreeable. The email has been sent - we'll see how this plays out & I might just have to scream it feels so good to make things be less stressful.

Tonight there was also resolution to another issue that has been weighing on my mind & heart. Maybe I should rename this post "An Ode to the Jois of Open Communication" I feel like air for a moment. I know this is a moment. & this moment will pass. There are so many other things weighin me down right now. i feel like tattooing sensation into the somatic memory of people so they understand what I mean by Open communication & what i mean by immediately sharing information & ideas & feelings. I firmly attribute these things to be the cause of Obi coming up & headbutting me before curling up purring in my arms tween the keyboard & I. Truly I am euphoric about finally having some semblance of control over something - myself.

No headache or any other pain. Hot damned.

Am ok for now

Pain has passed & I am regaining my usual energy & verve. I am fully throwing myself into this new game called "Life" - though I do like that my car isn't full of lil plastic knobs. Only my bed (haha) - seriously I'm continuing the jobhunt & lawyerhunt though I've been able to get my hands on some interesting paperwork & find out a few interesting things about the people who have caused the last 2 months to be so horrific.

I am currently snuggled in at the House - not the Haus - there can only ever be one Haus & that is in Toledo. Ahhh even as I write this I realize that I could just write FTS - I'm snuggled in @ the FTS Compound errr... maybe commune. Watching bad movies... Red Sonja currently - making me smile & feel less terrible about not being able to do more.

Snuggles & cuddles from this touch starved grrl.

Updates:

Trying to catch up on some of the events.

Decompression - good & good for me. All except for the sleeping outside in a tent in that weather - A wonderful "more than a friend" {oh, the jois of avoiding definitions til further notice - I'm not complaining, I am joi} joined me so it wasn't as cold as it could have been.

Zombieland - was a brilliant movie, truly I recommend it w/ no precautions. It was seen w/ crazy urban family & i hearted it.

My patient's funeral - was really good & appropriate. It was good to have my feet on sacred ground. I thinks that I need to spend some time in Carey, OH @ the shrine or at least an old stone Catholic church soon. I crave the energy. I need to feel the cold seeping into my bones.

Georges - was here from Glasgow & I loved having him. I enjoyed his visit as well as his physical presence - I'm just perpetually touch starved these days. Sad sending him home.

Sarah & Franco - reconnecting face to face after years - it was soooo good to lay eyes & hands on them.

Metallica - freakin 3rd row seats - It was AMAZING. Like just picture me channelling the end of the "Snakes & Barrells" episode of Metalocalypse. I love their music so much & the vibe @ their show was fantastic.

That brings us to today.

I have my plan of attack for the week mapped out & I am heading into it full force. I'm shaking but shouting. Screaming a lot of "Psycho Killer" lately. Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Update

My patient has passed, yes, that one, I'm dealing with it now. Thank you for anything you sent - prayers, energy, light, love. It was a good death surrounded by loved ones. She was younger than my father. I can't put into words right now how precious she is in my heart. She showed me a light I had forgotten in the last 7 months working with her. I have greatly & deeply benefitted from having her in my life. I am grateful.

I wonder if she'll find the answer to the Crash Test Dummies question for God, a query that caused him to shuffle his feet, when she got to heaven. - the tenses are on purpose, I believe there is no time wherever she is now.

I was hoping that this would wait...

until later in the presidency - you know until it was actually warranted- until he had actually caused peace somewhere in the world.

BUT - I can't resist this:

What the fuck people?

On Nov. 1, a law in Oklahoma will go into effect that will collect personal details about every single abortion performed in the state and post them on a public website. Implementing the measure will "cost $281,285 the first year and $256,285 each subsequent year." Here are the first eight questions that women will have to reveal:

1. Date of abortion
2. County in which abortion performed
3. Age of mother
4. Marital status of mother
(married, divorced, separated, widowed, or never married)
5. Race of mother
6. Years of education of mother
(specify highest year completed)
7. State or foreign country of residence of mother
8. Total number of previous pregnancies of the mother
Live Births
Miscarriages
Induced Abortions

AND WHAT THE FUCK IS TO BE GAINED FROM THESE DISCLOSURES??? ARE THEY JUST IN PLACE TO DISCOURAGE WOMEN FROM GETTING ABORTIONS???

OR REALLY & THIS IS THE VILLAGE GIRL INSIDE OF ME, IS THIS JUST ANOTHER WAY TO STOP WOMEN FROM MORE RURAL AREAS FROM HAVING ABORTIONS. BECAUSE I CAN TELL YOU AS A VILLAGE GIRL WE'D HAVE FIGURED IT OUT - WHICH IS WRONG. SO FUCKING WRONG. SO INSTEAD OF FINDING THE MONEY FOR THE PROCEDURE & HAVING IT DONE CLOSE BY - THEY NOW HAVE TO TRAVEL GREAT DISTANCES SO THAT THEIR IDENTITIES AREN'T EASILY DISCERNED.

In other news...

Georges gets here from Glasgow in less than a week!!! - I'm so excited that I can hardly contain myself. Short of the Metallica show there are no plans - AND yet still I am too excited to see & cuddle his skinny butt.

Prayers, energy, light...

My cancer patient is dying - you've been around me for the last 6+ months, you know who I am talking about. She is a dear sweet soul & is currently surrounded by family & friends. All I'm saying is that she is not too much longer of this Earth. All prayers, love, light, & energy that the transition is smooth & swift.

On the side I've got to admit that I appreciate being involved so closely with death & dying & terminally ill patients because it keeps me honest. Who has time for petty liars & their bullshit drama when you are holding hands with death? Perhaps this is me being way too extreme, but as with all passings I am reviewing my life & I realize again that I am happy with my choices.

Cleaning, organizing, joi

Tonight I made dinner for my new household - spaghetti & meatballs - they had been simmering most of the day. Good reviews all around. I am currently cleaning & reorganizing my space it is about 50 in here & I am eyeing my pile of "to be blankets" clothes & my sewing machine - but the piles of stuff in between are daunting - I hope to have it presentable for saturday night.

Speaking of which we are having a party here at FTS Compound for Justin's birthday - if you haven't met Justin he is fantastic. You can see my new digs & visit the cats if you make it out. Well you can meet the other 4cats & come up to my room to see mine.

Adjusting - kinda.