This weekend

I like a boi who does not like me.  oi - it happens, every day.  ** the following story has nothing to do with the boi who turned out to not be as into me as I was into him.  I realized on the reread that it gave the wrong impression.  I heart Phill in Ann Arbor just as he is & have no "intentions" towards him.

I travelled to Ann Arbor to enjoy a gracious gentleman who not only took me dancing but stroked my hair while we watched a movie - I needed that.  I needed to be touched by someone who was not a medical professional and was not trying to "get anywhere" with me.  Just a friend.  A much needed & appreciated friend.  I loved the time we spent.  We watched Casshern & as the camera panned out at one point I said it reminded me of Diamond Age - he understood what I was talking about.  When the camera showed us vats of neo cells to grow human parts it reminded me of the vats that the clones are grown in during Transmetropolitan - he understood that as well.  It was so nice to be understood.  On the drive home I was struck by just how much I had needed that.  To be appreciated for me and not for misunderstood promises of sex, or just because I stood by when others ran, or because it feels good to have a girl go gaga over you.  I slept alone on the couch with the cats (really sweet blue-eyed cats) wandering in & out.  It was just a much needed moment of time.

I'm afraid & worried about what the hell my body is doing - bleeding for almost 3 weeks, full cramps & menses symptoms.  Tests all done/being done & I have no idea what the results are yet.  My arm is still bruised from the blood draw.  & this weekend my gracious host was understanding of the fact that I was a weak creature & the dancing wore me out.  One freakin hour of dancing wore me out - I just feel lame as Hell for that one.  Still feeling alone here.

I cleaned and puttered around the house today got groceries & handled a few of the nagging lil oddities that I have to do within normal world business hours.  Pretending to be all grown up.  Today is one of those days where I feel like I am failing that miserably.  I don't take failure well.  Appetite is shot.  Sleep is coming & then we'll see what tomorrow may bring.