God/ess, please, Let my crazy crazy mood shifts be because of the birth control pills. I am on "the Pill" - for real, me, on the pill. This is of course in a (again goddess grant me) not-so vain attempt to control the apparently rampant endometriosis in my innards. This is the step before going in and cutting out the cells - yay surgery. So anyway - back to the story - last week: My very first week on the pale blue pills I spent being angry. I mean ANGRY, full of rage, not funny rage.... But really real hardcore, I'm about to tear this motherfucker up and no one is gonna stop me rage. I was soooo angry at everything, not traffic cause they were in my way angry, but FUCK YOU ALL, I'LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND. I took lots of deep breathes, LOTS of meditation. And I made it. This week - on the dark blue pills, I am crying, at everything: commercials, Nip/Tuck, OZ, patients' stories, pictures in my apt, how much I love my family and friends, my cat, loneliness, frustration....everything. I hate it. I hate not being in better control of things. I hope this will all turn out to be worth it. And everything is good. I'm gonna grad a box of tissues, and get ready for er. Good or not I'll be crying tonight. Just bare with me as my body adjusts. Or get ready to buy me flowers for after the surgery. - though I will prolly prefer Starbucks Caramel Cappucino Ice Cream (mmmmmm Caramelly)

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