And yet again the leaderz give me a fresh reason to be angry

I do not have words for exactly how fucked up this is & the losses the nations involved are unspeakable, despite the bare numbers, they are speakable, but do not do justice to the full gravity of the situation...

Fuck me

I'm up at 3:44am. Why is that? you are wondering... I cleaned and scrubbed and sweated my ass of yesterday and had a lil bit of supper, and was out like a light by midnight. FROM EXHAUSTION. and now I am awake, I think my mom was up and moving around, and it woke me enough for my brain to start. I wonder if anyone has ever done any study on the punishment of the diminished quality of life brought about by the stress and anxiety of going to court, I'm lying here freaking out about a mandatory court appearance on Tuesday for a traffic violation. I cannot do anything about it. I am just lying here crunching numbers, trying to rehearse my wording and fretting. I suck. DiFranco is hovering about me and wants love, which I am cuddling him & writing. I just can't get back to sleep and I still feel exhausted, freakin exhausted.

I'm gonna stretch and maybe drink some decaf chai and try to sleep more.

if you have any advice let me know.

This made me smile..

Go watch the geisha on the drums, it makes me giggle, and forget for a moment the craziness. Just relax into the simple pleasure... To follow the path I took to find it: Warren posted a pic of a toy geisha a few days ago, then Ectoplasmosis (Ectomo) tossed a bit w/ the link, I love how my world closes back into itself sometimes. Then again I have been reading bits of House of Leaves lately...

Enough about me...

I said good-bye today to a dear friend. My Toby is moving far far away to the promised land (Seattle). It is a great move for him, and should give him a fresh start. I think that I will miss him a lot. A whole lot.

clear frogs are kewl

Freakin' awesome. I would have loved this in school now if we can only get clear fetal pigs...

Junior in New Orleans

"Unload" the rough cut

I did it

I said, "No." I declined. It was not enough money. They entertained my counter-offer, but could not exceed the max's set on the dept. I am still in the running. I am proceeding on as planned. I will make it.

Thank you.

I need support and affection right now.


Not calling to talk is the hardest thing in the world it is tearing me up inside: all I hear are my own words screaming in my ears... No communication means nothing changes... everyone needs time to sort themselves out, including you... I am sorting, and I like some of what I have found, not all of it, and the only person i want to talk about it with, I know I shouldn't, not yet. I feel vulnerable. I feel tied up to a chair, naked, exposed, and wanting. I know i tied myself up here, I had to to keep from pursuing, I just hope that I can let myself free soon, let myself go.

all good, thanks for reading, I just have to spit this out...

Rub your grubby lil

candy covered monkey paws together....

& cross your fingers for me

I received a very interesting job offer today. I was in a position to make a counter-offer. So I did.

i need luck again & divine intervention even to help this along.

I need...

Training was great tonight. I am so happy that I decided to move forward with this volunteering.

Fascinating - doesn't apply to me

I am not a spider. But it is pretty freakin cool.

Cause I would love to try it...

As it is I am sleeping in 2 hour bursts, waking up w/ pain & drugging or talking myself back to sleep. Thank you for all of the support and late night phone calls - even the ones I sleep through. I am off to interview tomorrow & my pts talked sense to me about going to court (all advice seconded by the lawyer). I am proceeding with the volunteering, I am moving forward. I just hope my instincts are right.

Another to mourn

Marcel Marceau is gone. A man who brought the silence to life in this chaotic world. I hope he is at peace.

I'm still

going to Columbus.

I am not leaving the things that I love.

I am not punishing myself for this.
I am worth more than that.

Even if i were a man this would be a fair representation...

She rocks the party that rocks the party...

I love my Katelynn and her art.

Go, support her new showing at the Studio of the 5 Rings (SO5R) - WooHoo!!
November 16 thru January 5, I'd recommend one of the private tastings, & the wine is fantastic!!

Add me to the list

These are fucking brilliant...

The fuck you say...

Originally posted 19, 9, 2007 @ 6:20pm Proof once again that there is so little decency left in the world that a "Superflu" is a good idea...

I find it hysterical that I am so offended by this and no less than 3 of the blogs i regularly read have addressed it in the last 24 hrs. Also by people who were highly offended by it.

YAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

A terrible thought..

"A terrible thought has moved into my mind, I do not want it gets me drunk on wine; it feeds on my happiness and won’t pay the rent, I must take proper measures to evict
A terrible thought has moved into my mind, a giant rat that’s nibbling on my pride
It’s wearing away my patience and my wit
I must take proper measures, set a trap for it"


I am better, kinda
Food stayed down, I am not of the “lost her damned mind” category, it was more of the fucking shocked to Hell for a night.


I am in love w/ the SMODcast – and I have now entered the 8th level of hell by blogging about a podcast. I suck.

smart

the ruling not the woman or the doctor she sued...

just bright & smart for a change.

so...

have i mentioned how much i hate puking.

i ate. mashed potatoes - simple, not even spicy
I had it down for 20 mins.

mmmmmm uglier on the way back up.
I'm not ok
I will be
i hate being stoopid
i hate admitting stoopid moves
i hate these moments
They will not be over soon
It is terrifying this next move, stage of things...

"Those little things that keep me going are no longer any good for me"
"Those little things"

Maybe embarassing is more the problem as my face reddens at the thought of disclosing everything. So I won't - I'll make cryptic comments, offering up a play-by-play of the effects on me, rather of me.

exquisite joi and pain. I am loved, I am cared for even as the stoopid parts are revealed. Even as the shame rears it's ugly head in my voice.

I'm gonna lay down, & try not to feel like a little bitty worm on a big fucking hook.