I hate hospitals

Seriously.  Liz is out of surgery, we did not get to go see her in the interim beforehand because she was running so damned late.  They were able to do everything laprascopically, and the tumor did not activate while they were manipulating it (spewing adrenaline into her system - yes this was a concern), she appears to be responding well overall & has been ready to leave the recovery room for over an hour.

WE ARE WAITING ON A BED.  There is one for her - but, alas, they have to clean the room yet.  That was over an hour ago.  at that time they said .5-1 hr.  LIES, LIES I tell you all lies.  We can't go see her wherever she is (I imagine her just wheeled into and sitting in the hallway outside said room, unable to see (no glasses/contacts) at the mercy of the crazies wandering the halls - yes I imagine all brain tumor patients showing signs of dementia wandering free just beyond those doors tormenting my sis).  

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

ok

After magickally getting out of work early last night I headed for Columbus - It took 4 hours - because the roads were that bad, the drivers were such idiots, and some fucking idiot dropped it down to a one lane construction zone just past an entrance ramp at a busy highway & therefore dropped it to 5 miles an hour - literally took an hour to go 5 miles - of course the frustrating part was that there was no snow at that point.  

Parker graciously met me at the hotel & took care of finding us food.  Tasty Thai chix pasta & buffalo pizza.  I took meds & we fell asleep.  He kindly gave me a ride to the James Cancer Center for my sister's surgery.  Mom was there by 0555, I was there by 0600, Liz showed up at 0620 for her 0600 check in time.  Right this second it is 0709 & she is up doing the pre-op, we will get to see her one more time before she goes under.  I love her sooooooooo much & want things to go easily & well for the surgery.   AND there is free WiFi here - but no chatting - it won't let any of my IM services connect.  Bastards.

I am taking the shuttle back to the hotel & sleeping tonight.  Tomorrow i am checking out then sitting here til my other sister & her oldest daughter arrive, spending time & possibly a meal with them & then heading back to the land of Cleve.  I am exhausted and getting hungry - I want to get her into surgery now to get her done sooner & then get to bed sooner - is that crazy - I just want the stress to be over sooner.  

clean

I'm clean, in a very sort of Depeche Mode sort of way.  While scritching her back this weekend I noticed that Obi had scabby bits of unhappy skin at the base of her tale along her spine - so the project tonight was KittyWash 2008.  I stopped and picked up some nice kitty shampoo & we began - She was much better behaved - I filled the tub pretty full & the water was a lil on the hot side & she actually seemed to relax & enjoy it for a few moments - She stopped the crazy deep meowring.  

& for those keeping score - the eastside is expecting 8" today - THE EASTSIDE - where my ofc is moving to at the end of the month - INTO THE SNOWBELT - I fucking hate this part & that I get to do the entire winter's commute to start things off there is not endearing it to me.

I'm up

And it is still dark out.  Wes showed up @ my door at midnight - I was asleep i barely woke up enough to let him in.  So happy I didn't have to get dressed & would be warmed after that blast of cold air.  I wasn't awake enough for words.  we just curled up to sleep.  Right now he is curled up around me sound asleep - he makes these lil murmurring noises periodically.  So sweet.  Reason #3784 why I love him: he doesn't read this - he had no clue how much i really have been craving to be touched.  I've missed him & his magical ability to wrap himself around me like a human blanket w/o making me feel smothered.  I know he showed up for himself but I appreciate his treatment of me.  It is so rare that I am awake before him - I'm going to make some chai & throw in a movie & watch him sleep for a few hours.  And just enjoy his sweet soft flesh today - I'm thinkin I want a rubdown later if he's willing.  You know I have no idea why he is in town at all.  

***Note: from now on if you show up @ my place unannounced I expect the usual offerings of cheesecake &/or booze AND I want to know why you are here in the first 5 mins - I'm too freakin accepting of those I love.

Liking bois...

OK - I know you have to take a cluestick & beat them sometimes. But I want to register the complaint that sometimes you get the "yay" signals that they are interested in you then *poof* - the jump away? - Were they really interested? Or did they just get busy?

So I met up w/ a boi several weeks ago & he was cute & interesting & we hung out & watched cruddy horror movie & laughed & held hands (yes, cute I know) - we did not end up making out but for a first meeting - I was fairly pleased at the speed with which things were progressing. Then things got busy for both of us & I know that if I don't put forth some kind of effort I might as well just pretend we never met. So I'm back to the ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH. & I don't want to be pestering or a nag - but I'd like to plan my world out - U know as well as I do that when someone catches my interest I like to see how it will play out - that's what it means, you see, to have my interest - I'm INTERESTED. I'd like to set up a second date/encounter and put it on the books not because I'm all anal and needs scheduling but things are getting more & more complicated in my lil world & I don't like missing the op to follow something new. AND there are other responsibilities: I want to take a shift or 3 for the crisis center but I do not want to be having a nice evening and *ring* - mid-makeout -> "Sorry honey, I need to go spend the next 6 hours at the hospital w/ a survivor & no, you can't come along & no, immediately afterwards I won't probably want to see you, you are too new to me & I'm not exactly in a makeout mood after such things. In fact I'm usually a lil emotionally raw & therefore do not want to expose those parts of myself to you yet because you are brand new & damnit can't a girl have some alone time when she is raw?

Maybe this is all a bigger reaction to having nothing in my control, no one's spiralingly insane health, not my ofc or my job or the "even more changes" that are coming to it, not even the fulfilling of the desire for human interaction - let alone the desire to make out w/ 1 geographically close boi in particular - that isn't to say there aren't others I want to makeout with or cuddle with or just spend time with - they are just farther away.
So yeah - Bois = frustrating.

Fuck it - I tried, I'm going to go meditate & ready myself for the nonstop madness ahead.

Be the best American you can be

Boycott these hatemongering people & businesses for giving money to support Cali's Prop 8 & denying civil rights to others and for trying to legislate their narrowminded religious beliefs onto others' bodies & lives.  Remember kiddies "If you don't like what they do with your money - don't give it to them"

Let it never be said

That I am not a big softie.  Seriously I am curled up w/ chai (hint of cayenne to warm me) - and watching last night's er.  I know that Anthony Edwards is an actor, hell I know he is Goose, he has been on interviews all this last few weeks leading up to this show.  I knew to expect him, my precious Dr Greene.  I teared up when he showed up on screen.  I heard the strains of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in my ears despite the music on the screen.  In the episode he was actively getting chemo yet working - just like my dad did.  I'm full on crying right now.  tears flowing freely - way less to do with the kids on screen than with Dr Greene & the memory of his death on the show & how it intertwined w/ my father's death in real life.  So much the same and yet so different.  I remember watching little corners of my life & the things our family went thru being played out on screen so long ago.  So many "last years" spent together.  Apparently I am made of soft.

No more

No more Cinemark at Valley View for me.  Bastards ruining the only decent freakin theatre in the area.  

Every day

I see the world differently - in my own warped way - I know this & every day I struggle against the mindnumbing homogenized sheeple crap.  I process things thru me & they spit out different on the other side.  I like it this way.  I am a unique & special snowflake no matter what Chuck says.

TeeHeeHee

38 miles per gallon

Created by The Car Connection

I am rude...

when driving - I know it - we've discussed my driving styles, speeds, and even gesticulations at length. I hold myself to the same standard I hold everyone else to - I'm not on the road to play games, I simply want to get from point A to point B as quickly and safely as possible. I do not cut u off & slow down - perhaps I cut u off, but never do I slow down or brake check u. I keep driving - usually if I cut u off it is because I am going faster than you are & you are forcing me to go around you by passing you on the right. or my favorite of late the person who veers into my lane going 50 when I am going 65 (in a 60 mph zone by the way for those of you keeping tally & I know you are out there) on a 3 lane hwy & I am in the far left lane & there is something over 10 car lengths ahead that this person intends to go incrementally faster than & eventually pass - but this doesn't change the fact that I am now in the middle lane passing this person & after signaling returning to the far left lane. This is not rocket science. I know they saw me & still decided to slowly change lanes or the persons who drive so they are taking up 2 lanes - bloody hell - how is that any shade of legal? - I digress. I am by all accounts a rude driver but I am never intentionally "playing a game" with anyone on the road.

I am never rude to anyone in the service industry. Never to the receptionist, the wait staff, the phone operator. I just thought I'd clarify that. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than going on a meet n greet w/ a guy & he treats the wait staff like garbage or tips below 15%. I just thought I'd share - written after yet another patient tried to browbeat me into manufacturing an appt for her out of thin air. I simply do not have the authority to order anyone to see a patient outside of their scheduled hours.

I'm just sayin...

So stress

Oh stress that I am under.  Liz's surgery is scheduled - still sorting travel & lodging for it.  My other current breast cancer friend is looking at chemo and radiation - 6 of the 7 lymph nodes came back positive.  it is simply not ok.  I'm home alone tonight, curled up trying to think clearly about anything & failing miserably.

I just thought I'd share - i don't particularly want to be doing anything.  I want to sleep soundly.  

I'm thinkin bath & sleep - cuddling would be nice the cats will have to do for now.  

I think the munchkin has the right idea.

Fuck yeah

Though I'm in agreement w/ DA -time to take down the Mormons - I'm pissed about Cali's Prop 8 & elated - freaking joious about Washington's Issue 1000.  Still hunting for other races I care about.  Speaking of which #6 did not pass (yay) - such a scamlicious piece of legislature.

voted

if you don't vote don't bother talking to me.  ever.  Seriously fuck off.

Fuck me

54 people in the last 35 years.  54

54

Well, 55?

My baby girl - my baby sister has Carney's Triad.  the quick & dirty here.  The biopsy of her adrenal tumor showed it to be a pheochromocytoma type of paraganglioma.  rare, very rare w/ the GIST to form part of the triad - we now get to wait & see if the lung tumors show up.

Fuck.

If u are new & don't know or don't remember: start here & work your way forward by hitting "newer post" at the bottom for the whole long story.