Liking bois...

OK - I know you have to take a cluestick & beat them sometimes. But I want to register the complaint that sometimes you get the "yay" signals that they are interested in you then *poof* - the jump away? - Were they really interested? Or did they just get busy?

So I met up w/ a boi several weeks ago & he was cute & interesting & we hung out & watched cruddy horror movie & laughed & held hands (yes, cute I know) - we did not end up making out but for a first meeting - I was fairly pleased at the speed with which things were progressing. Then things got busy for both of us & I know that if I don't put forth some kind of effort I might as well just pretend we never met. So I'm back to the ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH. & I don't want to be pestering or a nag - but I'd like to plan my world out - U know as well as I do that when someone catches my interest I like to see how it will play out - that's what it means, you see, to have my interest - I'm INTERESTED. I'd like to set up a second date/encounter and put it on the books not because I'm all anal and needs scheduling but things are getting more & more complicated in my lil world & I don't like missing the op to follow something new. AND there are other responsibilities: I want to take a shift or 3 for the crisis center but I do not want to be having a nice evening and *ring* - mid-makeout -> "Sorry honey, I need to go spend the next 6 hours at the hospital w/ a survivor & no, you can't come along & no, immediately afterwards I won't probably want to see you, you are too new to me & I'm not exactly in a makeout mood after such things. In fact I'm usually a lil emotionally raw & therefore do not want to expose those parts of myself to you yet because you are brand new & damnit can't a girl have some alone time when she is raw?

Maybe this is all a bigger reaction to having nothing in my control, no one's spiralingly insane health, not my ofc or my job or the "even more changes" that are coming to it, not even the fulfilling of the desire for human interaction - let alone the desire to make out w/ 1 geographically close boi in particular - that isn't to say there aren't others I want to makeout with or cuddle with or just spend time with - they are just farther away.
So yeah - Bois = frustrating.

Fuck it - I tried, I'm going to go meditate & ready myself for the nonstop madness ahead.

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