Traipsing barefoot across the coals...

The first thing I notice are the jokes.  After the event is over and they've chosen not to attend, not to risk the walk, not to risk the fire, not to risk anything.  The twittering jokes, "careful where you step", "How's that pedicure?", "heeheehee...".  I smile, take the prodding, fighting the urge to just walk away.  I know that the joking is the curiosity, the first steps of the wanting to understand, the desire for more information.

I'm not feeling like a teacher these days.  I am, in fact, actively against offering anything that I have or that I possess to anyone in the world.  With the exception of paid services.  I'm still a healer for hire, I'm still more interested in healing loved ones than getting paid for it.  I'm also not interested in growing that list of loved ones.  I'm not interested in offering anything to anyone which might give them a reason to falsify emotions for me.  I'm done being lied to for the things that my friendship offers.  Until I am satisfied I am offering nothing.  My friendship is worth nothing.  No insights, no drama, no trust, no invites, no introductions, no home, no safe warm place in the shelter of my will. 

So much

has changed, yet nothing at all. 

I'm living in new digs.  Still gently paddling my kayak through the hot molten crazy.  Obi's breast cancer has finally, officially metastasized into her lungs - we're back to counting days.  Physically there is 10% less of me than a year ago at this time.  My family is thriving, my employment is still pretty freakin great & only getting better, I'm still mixin some of the tastiest cocktails on the planet, and my bed is the softest place ever. 

I'm finally slowing down enough to write again.  Tonight I came home, swam laps for an hour, floated in meditation for 20 mins, enjoyed a salad of fresh greens w/ balsamic over caramelized onion & blue cheese focaccia bread, and now I'm finishing this to go back to wire work & new tv shows.