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15.11.10

Note:


I promise I will never seek to invalidate your experiences.
I may see an angle that you don't or see where someone's intentions were not what came across.
I may offer insights.
I will NEVER seek to tell you that what you experienced is invalidated by my experiences or by time.
If I purposefully hurt you, I do not expect you to be kind to me afterwards, I do not expect forgiveness, I do not expect you to magickally let go of it after I've walked away & moved on. I do not expect you to trust me on ANY level.
If you purposefully hurt me, I will distrust you, I will actively seek to keep you as far away from me & mine as I can. I will not hold my tongue about your past behavior. I will speak out, I will not pretend you were born yesterday & have never hurt anyone in your past.
If I see you manipulate & hurt people I care about - I will not treat you with kindness.
If I am seen as behaving in the same manner I expect nothing less than the same treatment.

Tonight I found out that the ex-boifriend's psycho ex-wife has been reading my blog. 1 word: CREEPY. Very Very Creepy. Wow, just wow, it has never dawned on me to want to read her writings. I don't want to. I have actively had nothing to do with her until she showed up at my house unannounced, uninvited, Labor Day weekend. I did find out she had trepidation about coming & tried to come w/ another couple, HOWEVER, she never tried in any way to have meaningful contact with me. The only way that anything could have been made easier for either of us. As I've never demonstrated to be a violent person, never demonstrated to scream a few inches from the face of the person I am upset with - I find it interesting that she felt that wasn't possible. Back to the blog reading. Eww, I was informed that writing about my experiences, processing them, in this forum was upsetting to her. She claimed that my writing is upsetting to my ex. If he reads more than whatever she points out to him, if he is hurt & wants to live in a world where talking to her makes him feel better than addressing it with me - I want nothing to do with it. That would be a huge part of why the relationship was so toxic.

Tonight for the first time & after much prodding she admitted that what she did was inappropriate. I am still processing it & will be writing as I do. This was also the first time she didn't call me magnanimous. That made me happy.


If you don't like it or are taking my writing personally - stop reading. - I don't force the people I have in mind when I do write to the living, to read it, Jase, Wes, feel free to chime in on that one as you are usually the peeps I have in mind. For all others, this is not for you. This is for me & the people that I care about, continuing to read my writing for some strange ammunition, for more of my "hurtful hidden messages meant just for you", etc... Is officially discouraged. I don't do the LJ privacy stuff because I don't care who reads as a general point. However that revelation from tonight is increasingly disturbing. To track my blog long after we stop having any association with eachother I am finding more stalker/creepy as time goes by.

8 comments:

Sean said...

A good rule to follow is to assume that ANYTHING you put on the Internet can, and will, eventually find its way to anyone and everyone. Even if you put up a friends-only/password barricade, it's all too easy for someone to copy and paste content into a public forum.

Given that you posted a link to this blog on that one Website where you and I first started messaging one another, it wasn't like it would have been that difficult for her to find this. (That link is also how I first found your blog; if the link is not a tacit invitation to read and comment here, you might want to post something to that effect on the Website.)

That being said, I'm not excusing her behaviour in any way. Given how you've talked about your past with her, if she clicked on that link, it's her fault if anything here hurt her feelings because she should have expected as much.

Indychick said...

Creepy is the perfect word to describe THAT situation...and BTW, (I'm going to go off on a rant now) Who gives a FUCK whether or not HER G.Damn feelings are hurt b/c YOU wrote about her on YOUR blog?? I don't know this chick, but I DO know you. You are under no obligation WHATSOEVER to be nice to some psycho-bitch in YOUR writings/musings. Who gives a FUCK whether or not the ex's feeling are hurt either?

NEWSFLASH to the 2 nut jobs: There is a reason why this beautiful, brilliant, remarkable woman wants NOTHING more to do with either of you & if you can't figure that out then you both truly are mentally unstable. The very fact that either of you is upset b/c she wrote "mean" things about you (can anyone say narcissist?)just proves my point. If you don't want to read truths about yourselves, THEN DON"T READ IT!!! Get a life, PLEASE? And you should consider yourselves DAMN lucky that those of us who love this woman are nowhere near the Northern Ohio area. HOW DARE YOU complain that she writes about you on HER OWN PERSONAL SITE?? Fucking losers...Oh, I sure hope I didn't hurt their feelings now too...

One of the reasons you and I are such great friends is that labrador-type loyalty towards those that we trust, love, & treat us well. We will fight & defend to the end for our friends. But burn/abuse us & all is lost, forever.

Well, that & a mutual love of cold pizza, Homicide: Life on The Street, & a fateful late night in '95...

Indychick said...

P.S.--Kurt V. museum opens next week down the street...EEEEEEEEEEEEE

Jezcabelle said...

umm, have I told you lately how much I love you? I do.

& Kurt V, mmmm - dammit, I need to get out there at some point sooner than later

Indychick said...

And HOW could I forget the disturbing mutual attraction to the brilliant minds of M & T? We SEE all the underlying references, puns, inside jokes, and BTW I totally figured out this last episode before all was revealed. I called Steve 2 minutes into the episode & gave him my theory. He said if I was right then I am THE ULTIMATE SP fan...so the title is mine...Ahhhh, Wednesday nights in gram's basement, cold Hubby's Delight/Papa John's, Amaretto Sours/margaritas, & those unfortunate Molly moments. See, I KNOW you are laughing your ass off right now, aren't you?

Jezcabelle said...

@ Sean - you misunderstand - I'm not disturbed that she's ever read this. My mother reads this. I post it where I may because I am comfortable with anyone reading. There is nothing that I express here that I am not willing to say to anyone I've written about or to anyone in general. There are no lies, great woven fictions to defend here, only my thoughts and experiences captured in moments.

The creepy part is that she is STILL reading it. She is actively continuing to read it "months & months" after the last time we'd spoken. THAT is creepy as hell to me. I know she was reading when I was still involved w/ the ex. The idea that she is still reading this & "seeing" messages about her or to her in it & continuing to use it as an excuse for her drama, her emotional torment, etc... is just beyond me. Totally my bad for not expressing that properly.

Sean said...

Bleh, it's my fault for assuming I knew all the facts before rushing in to dispense advice. Sorry.

Jezcabelle said...

@ Sean - all good Lovey, the good part is that your thoughts mirror my own on the subject if that were the situation. It is compounded by the creepiness that now I'm wonderin if she is stalking me on FB/FL too - she has me blocked on FB, I didn't find that out til after Labor Day - as in I cannot even see that she has a page - but I've never cared to consider her not only keeping tabs but that she's reading into things her own hidden msgs. As if the things I write are directed at her. Creepy, creepy, creepy.