This weekend has been all about stumbling from point A to point B & somehow avoiding pain as best I can. I LOVE the fact that I am thinking at work more than before. However, I hate that my hands are mostly tied as I try to fix things. the stress has added to the pain. Most of my workdays this week I have been at 5/10 pain all day. 7/10 when arriving & leaving, it has been a lot of pain, I do no t like pain.

Last night I headed to the dungeon for voting on the bylaws & enjoying the party. It was a wonderful night of stories & touch & discussions from D/s theory to business ethics. I love that the soundtrack hasn't changed in 15 years - still a lil Lords of Acid, lil KMFDM, cries of pain & pleasure. I think I want to throw together some new playlists, heavier on the Enigma & VAST - also not new, but not the same old either.

I feel like I really needed that, I arrived at home, took meds, watched some "Masters of Horror" & curled up to sleep. It was really really nice, I haven't felt that kind of fulfillment in a while now, the social aspect. Last Thursday night I slept over w/ the boi. We'd spent the evening watching "Despicable Me" followed by dinner w/ mutual friend. I loved the movie. I loved the time w/ friends. At his place we took care of chores & settled in to "Pushing Daisies" - followed by curling up to sleep. It was very very satisfying. It felt really good - not the whole - I'm soo in love w/ him & I love sleeping in his arms. But the I felt safe & cared for by the man next to me. He sees me at least a part of me & after going unnoticed & unknown by a partner for so long it is almost overwhelming at moments to be cared for. In May I experienced a similar sensation piled into my bed w/ friends. I was more than just an interesting red head to them. I love my friends.

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