I love my life.
I love my job - it is a daily source of joi & new information. I am challenged yet not overwhelmed, encouraged but not coddled, pretty much the most amazing corporate culture I could ever have dreamed myself enjoying. At work I have friends, people who understand me, people who enjoy my company.
I love my house, my home. Obi is back - she'll be the source of an entirely different bit soon enough w/ details of her health. Justin is wonderful & keeps things grounded & safe & running smoother than I could ever hope. Page is wonderful & caring & sweet & a pure joi to have with us. Julia has been a bright shining light for the little time we have hosted her.
My heart is calm & at peace & safely tucked away from the world. I am not unhappy to have no current partners in romance or sex. I have zero trust in anyone outside of my circles right now. All strangers are suspect & 1/2 of those surrounding me are under suspicion. It is a state that feels comfortable.
I feel at peace without & within.
I have let go, cut myself free of a pile of garbage that has been dragging me down for a while now. It is reminiscent of getting rid of Heather so many years ago. I have never regretted hanging up the phone on her or being finished with her. 8 years of friendship akin to sisterhood gone in an instant. I still taste Klondike bars, Doritos, Mountain Dew, smell a clean basement w/ no windows, see Faces of Death before my mind's eye & think of her fondly in those moments. But she may as well be dead. I've heard how things went in her life & I find joi in her distress but have no inclination to find her & see for myself. Perfectly in synch there is nothing that reminds me of the recent disengagement - not even a tear stained note to mark the passage. Only the unburdening of guilt borne of accusations rather than my own actions.
I feel at home in my own skin.
