Happy Devil's Night

On this night I remember the details of Brandon Lee's death, where I was, how I found out. The circumstances surrounding my first viewing of the film. It is New Year's Eve on soooo many levels. I love it. I had it on tonight as I was sewing the costume for one of my housemates - she is going to be an eel - my meager sewing skills brought forth a barely fitting strapped frock - which is kinda cool considering it was a satiny material & I couldn't find my good shears to cut it with & have no pins to pin & couldn't find my tape to measure. I had the opportunity to do the zombie makeup for a friend of mine - it was cool all Thompsonesque - I did a temple wound - I love doing that.

On the flip I slid into The Crow the deeper issues, the things that cannot be forgiven & all the bits & pieces that O'Barr's work struck in me. They still strike. I'm like a giant bell & he strikes just right to leave me ringing for days. My thoughts feel thready, I'm to bed.

O freakin K

Best moment of the night - I just got to my room AND I just turned on the recording of Castle from tonight. And our blessed Nathan Fillion is putting on... ... ... Oh hells yes!!! a "space cowboy" costume. Yeppers, it is our beloved Capt'n Tightpants in everything but the browncoat - the coat had a hint of red to it but that can be forgiven. Oh how I love that man. AND I love Firefly. AND I love Halloween. AND fantastic Frank Miller comic book details. AND using a Dremel to carve a pumpkin in the shape of Max Shreck. AND acting like a proper father to his tv daughter. JOI - tonight's episode has made watching Castle totally worth every moment. Seriously it only gets better - I am not erasing this til it airs again & then only to rerecord it.

Tonight the other best moments included possibly ending drama & strife in my life involving someone I love. Oh how this could end some of the relationship mindfuckery if everyone is agreeable. The email has been sent - we'll see how this plays out & I might just have to scream it feels so good to make things be less stressful.

Tonight there was also resolution to another issue that has been weighing on my mind & heart. Maybe I should rename this post "An Ode to the Jois of Open Communication" I feel like air for a moment. I know this is a moment. & this moment will pass. There are so many other things weighin me down right now. i feel like tattooing sensation into the somatic memory of people so they understand what I mean by Open communication & what i mean by immediately sharing information & ideas & feelings. I firmly attribute these things to be the cause of Obi coming up & headbutting me before curling up purring in my arms tween the keyboard & I. Truly I am euphoric about finally having some semblance of control over something - myself.

No headache or any other pain. Hot damned.

Am ok for now

Pain has passed & I am regaining my usual energy & verve. I am fully throwing myself into this new game called "Life" - though I do like that my car isn't full of lil plastic knobs. Only my bed (haha) - seriously I'm continuing the jobhunt & lawyerhunt though I've been able to get my hands on some interesting paperwork & find out a few interesting things about the people who have caused the last 2 months to be so horrific.

I am currently snuggled in at the House - not the Haus - there can only ever be one Haus & that is in Toledo. Ahhh even as I write this I realize that I could just write FTS - I'm snuggled in @ the FTS Compound errr... maybe commune. Watching bad movies... Red Sonja currently - making me smile & feel less terrible about not being able to do more.

Snuggles & cuddles from this touch starved grrl.

Updates:

Trying to catch up on some of the events.

Decompression - good & good for me. All except for the sleeping outside in a tent in that weather - A wonderful "more than a friend" {oh, the jois of avoiding definitions til further notice - I'm not complaining, I am joi} joined me so it wasn't as cold as it could have been.

Zombieland - was a brilliant movie, truly I recommend it w/ no precautions. It was seen w/ crazy urban family & i hearted it.

My patient's funeral - was really good & appropriate. It was good to have my feet on sacred ground. I thinks that I need to spend some time in Carey, OH @ the shrine or at least an old stone Catholic church soon. I crave the energy. I need to feel the cold seeping into my bones.

Georges - was here from Glasgow & I loved having him. I enjoyed his visit as well as his physical presence - I'm just perpetually touch starved these days. Sad sending him home.

Sarah & Franco - reconnecting face to face after years - it was soooo good to lay eyes & hands on them.

Metallica - freakin 3rd row seats - It was AMAZING. Like just picture me channelling the end of the "Snakes & Barrells" episode of Metalocalypse. I love their music so much & the vibe @ their show was fantastic.

That brings us to today.

I have my plan of attack for the week mapped out & I am heading into it full force. I'm shaking but shouting. Screaming a lot of "Psycho Killer" lately. Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Update

My patient has passed, yes, that one, I'm dealing with it now. Thank you for anything you sent - prayers, energy, light, love. It was a good death surrounded by loved ones. She was younger than my father. I can't put into words right now how precious she is in my heart. She showed me a light I had forgotten in the last 7 months working with her. I have greatly & deeply benefitted from having her in my life. I am grateful.

I wonder if she'll find the answer to the Crash Test Dummies question for God, a query that caused him to shuffle his feet, when she got to heaven. - the tenses are on purpose, I believe there is no time wherever she is now.

I was hoping that this would wait...

until later in the presidency - you know until it was actually warranted- until he had actually caused peace somewhere in the world.

BUT - I can't resist this:

In other news...

Georges gets here from Glasgow in less than a week!!! - I'm so excited that I can hardly contain myself. Short of the Metallica show there are no plans - AND yet still I am too excited to see & cuddle his skinny butt.

Prayers, energy, light...

My cancer patient is dying - you've been around me for the last 6+ months, you know who I am talking about. She is a dear sweet soul & is currently surrounded by family & friends. All I'm saying is that she is not too much longer of this Earth. All prayers, love, light, & energy that the transition is smooth & swift.

On the side I've got to admit that I appreciate being involved so closely with death & dying & terminally ill patients because it keeps me honest. Who has time for petty liars & their bullshit drama when you are holding hands with death? Perhaps this is me being way too extreme, but as with all passings I am reviewing my life & I realize again that I am happy with my choices.

Cleaning, organizing, joi

Tonight I made dinner for my new household - spaghetti & meatballs - they had been simmering most of the day. Good reviews all around. I am currently cleaning & reorganizing my space it is about 50 in here & I am eyeing my pile of "to be blankets" clothes & my sewing machine - but the piles of stuff in between are daunting - I hope to have it presentable for saturday night.

Speaking of which we are having a party here at FTS Compound for Justin's birthday - if you haven't met Justin he is fantastic. You can see my new digs & visit the cats if you make it out. Well you can meet the other 4cats & come up to my room to see mine.

Adjusting - kinda.