Untouched

I remain untouched.  I am untouched. 
Inside, emotionally, where it counts.
I know a secret, your secret, everyone's secret.
You really don't care, not really...
I'm not upset by this
It doesn't touch me
I am a thing that exists in your world until you throw me away.
until you have used me for whatever you hoped to gain
A passing moment caught in its own death throes, too busy in your head to notice
I'm not really there with you
I'm untouched by you, on the inside

I lie awake at night thinking of you
not YOU, the being inside the body
but you, the relationship slot you are filling in my life right now
You to whom I say "I love you"
I mean it, just not nearly as deeply as you think, as you want to believe

You have been here, in my life, for a year or two, for months, weeks, days, hours
You aren't real to me yet
You'll tire and move on before that
I've been here for decades
I've slept more nights of my life atop graves than in a bed with you
I find more comfort in the dirt than in your arms

I am not numb, I feel
Just not where you can touch me
I remain untouched.  I am untouched.