I...

I am not exhausted - this is a radical change. I am not caught up with what I perceive of as my life, but I am not running in an endless hamster wheel for a moment. I am breathing & slowly making changes to the current state of me. I wish for a touch more companionship, but I believe that I have a cuddle friend joining me this weekend. Having said that I expect Wes's sweet ass up here by sun up...

I'm trying to process everything that has happened. The more stories, the more women I talk to, the more rapes & assaults I am made aware of that this man committed - I am so happy that I am as I am. That somehow I was not meat for his pleasure, that my brand of crazy & breed of personality was not enough to draw his predation. As some of you know I used to live in the house my now housemate & her husband were in when she was assaulted.

The man who assaulted her - used to be a friend of mine. I would love to pinpoint when that stopped but it must have been a long long time ago. Doubly so for his wife - the vile things they've said about me & the lies they've told to my face, ridiculousness. I think the moment I lost any kind of belief in her garbage was when they left an event we were all attending & escorted in the Psycho ex-wife of the ex-boifriend. She came back inside & got right in my face telling me some crap about going out to take a call. I hadn't asked where they'd gone, had in truth not noticed them go out. I noticed the Psycho coming back in though - pretty fucked up. To say that she is weak, messed up, or even just not right is an understatement of massive proportions. Then again I've never associated with the spouse of a rapist before, so I don't know how she compares. The one thing that has held true is that I really need to get the fuck away from people who make excuses for others & hurt people indiscriminately, who tolerate the crazypants & encourage it for their own amusement.