Psycho

Not even the fun Angry Psychos kind of crazy.

Found out i offended someone by not tagging them in a note I wrote on FB. I've written what, 5 notes? Ever, on there, I left off someone because out of my what, 600+ friends on there I didn't think of her???

OK fucking psychos, I'm done w/ the borderline personality, paranoid schizophrenics in the world. I want a mental health clearance that you are not going to cause me or mine harm before you can get on the bus.

People say I'm intimidating, too tall too bright, too much energy & they don't like it when the room gets heavier, the pressure builds & they feel like they maybe just got too deep.

I haven't thrown a punch in anger since pre-highschool. I've never screamed in anyone's face, trying to intimidate them.

I don't need to.

Maybe I need to avoid girls & very effeminate bois, not the gays, loves my gay husbands. But the lil girls w/ their imagined wounds & inexplicable jealousies.

There isn't a person in this world that I'd rather be right this moment. Not even ashes in the grave for a change. Which reminds me: took 5 full minutes upon waking today to sort out why I was alone. Really strange, usually a minute as I come up tops. I'd ended up on the far bed against the body pillows. I was curled around them, in dreams safely tucked in Johnny's arms. Hard to sort that he wasn't here, reached for Adam, he wasn't here either. Just took longer than usual to realize they're gone & not here. Now that the weather is here I wish you were beautiful... err umm i mean this drink is too fruitiful, I think I'm gonna be making an overnight to the graves soon. Might work to reset my internal clock, might just be a good night's sleep. I know I need it, if I keep saying it I'll get my butt in the car & get there. Or you will come pick me up & drag me there...

*** of note***

I dunno when/how I can finish the middling pieces. However I'm home & back to writing more often than not. even if it is only babbling away. Looking back it is like a lovely record of things that took a giant hit this year. I took a giant hit this year. I did some stupid things & let stupid things happen. I'm better now. I have extra cayenne in my chai, considering exactly which dark spiced rum I'm going to purchase to add to it when I drink again. Mmmmmmm rum & chai, lordie, you'd think I was dating Cevan again. I do miss sliding like a child on his latex sheets, the thought makes me giggle.