On being handed lemons and investing in a tequila bar...
Really real reality - being so disconnected all weekend - back to what is really happening the day to day doldrums of my life. Fighting is easy if that is what I am doing - is it to just stand up and do it - make the change I want to see in my life - Sort of skews Gandhi's intent but it keeps me going - how can I
I want to be rubbed on. I want to feel hands on my shoulders - strong hands. Pushing w/ the right pressures, easing away the pains & aches, touching into the tender stops that I didn't realize that I had. Spring of 1991 I fell asleep in the arms of a man sitting behind me rubbing my shoulders. Sound asleep on his chest leaning back into his arms. Neither of us had planned on it. He was 18 & I was 13. It wasn't loveydovey or sexie time, just a backrub. The love came later. Johnny holds the gold standard on my body for hands. Funny thing is that now I only see them reflected in my own. I'm surrounded by so many people right now who shy away from human contact. & I am lying here thinking of the last time I really relaxed, really let myself get swept into a rubdown & let go. Going backward: Moik had a nice touch but not totally smooth. Kerry tried & was so willing to learn but didn't have the touch - not for one moment that I didn't appreciate the attentions - I always want to be worked on. Chris in Toledo has a lovely touch but it is grounded into the medicine - much like my work for work it is about fixing what is wrong or out of balance. I think maybe Chris - one of my teachers was the last time I really relaxed under a set of hands & let go - I loved him digging into my diaphragm. Maybe that is what I'm trying to say I am always paying attention. With his hands, with Johnny's hands I let my mind shut down & fell asleep. Well w/ Chris I fell into a pretty deep meditation - it was lovely. I think it is that I need to feel safe too. I so rarely do that. I say I do - trying to will it into being but I'm always up & twitchy. I never stop to breathe. I just want to relax. Find peace. Please.
2 comments:
OK, I realize that this particular rambling is 2 weeks old...but it's the most recent one to which I can respond. I just needed to say that I had a fond Olympic memory moment yesterday. I was watching the opening ceremonies, I remembered sitting in the IH @ Toledo watching the summer olympics w/my very good newer friend (who would later become one of my closest) after surviving our freshman year of college. Then, as I was looking back on the events of that day, I was SMACKED in the face with the realization that it was 12 YEARS AGO!!!! AARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! Freshman year was 12 years ago???? Not that I don't LOVE my 30's, but WHEN did this happen?? Watching Kerri Strug's one foot landing to win the gold, live, was a moment I'll never forget. However, I wish I could forget how long ago that was...to make matters worse, I was on the phone with my handsome, sexy, very single friend in Chicago & he pointed out that he was in 6th grade @ the time. WOW!! When did we get so old?
damned & here I am lusting after Michael Phelps...
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