I am

When can I fuck someone's shit up?

You're Alia from Dune! Creepy!

You kind of fall into the middle. You’re not quite evil exactly, but maybe you’re not exactly 100% good. You can be direct and forward, but you can also hang back and be manipulative. You’ll take your aggression both active and passive.

Kind of like Alia. While she was still in the womb, her mom took the “Water of Life,” although a better name for it would be the “Water of Supreme Murderous Badass-ery.” This granted Alia all of her ancestral memories while still a fetus, meaning she was smarter than most people before she had shit like toes or a heartbeat.

So, when Alia is feeling direct, she’ll just cut through all the red tape and kill the shit out of you. Like there’s this one time when she was like four years old that she totally kills this giant flying fat man with like just her finger and then she feeds his fat ass to a giant man-eating space worm, giggling softly all the while. There’s no way I could make up something like that.

But she isn’t always that direct. Alia is a master of the “weirding way” which gives her a little power called Voice. It’s capitalized for a reason. Because the power of Voice can make you do whatever she says. Yeah, that’s right. She could just tell you to do something, and you would have to do it. She could be like, hey man, go kiss another dude on the lips, use plenty of tongue, and if she was using Voice, you would totally have to. You would even enjoy it, if she wanted you to (she probably wouldn’t, though). Of course, if you were already gay or a chick she wouldn’t do that. In that case, she’d make you look at a vagina until you were driven insane.

So congrats on being versatile.

PHOTO: Alia and her death-spewing murder finger. Not pictured: Space Worm