I hate hospitals

Seriously.  Liz is out of surgery, we did not get to go see her in the interim beforehand because she was running so damned late.  They were able to do everything laprascopically, and the tumor did not activate while they were manipulating it (spewing adrenaline into her system - yes this was a concern), she appears to be responding well overall & has been ready to leave the recovery room for over an hour.

WE ARE WAITING ON A BED.  There is one for her - but, alas, they have to clean the room yet.  That was over an hour ago.  at that time they said .5-1 hr.  LIES, LIES I tell you all lies.  We can't go see her wherever she is (I imagine her just wheeled into and sitting in the hallway outside said room, unable to see (no glasses/contacts) at the mercy of the crazies wandering the halls - yes I imagine all brain tumor patients showing signs of dementia wandering free just beyond those doors tormenting my sis).  

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

ok

After magickally getting out of work early last night I headed for Columbus - It took 4 hours - because the roads were that bad, the drivers were such idiots, and some fucking idiot dropped it down to a one lane construction zone just past an entrance ramp at a busy highway & therefore dropped it to 5 miles an hour - literally took an hour to go 5 miles - of course the frustrating part was that there was no snow at that point.  

Parker graciously met me at the hotel & took care of finding us food.  Tasty Thai chix pasta & buffalo pizza.  I took meds & we fell asleep.  He kindly gave me a ride to the James Cancer Center for my sister's surgery.  Mom was there by 0555, I was there by 0600, Liz showed up at 0620 for her 0600 check in time.  Right this second it is 0709 & she is up doing the pre-op, we will get to see her one more time before she goes under.  I love her sooooooooo much & want things to go easily & well for the surgery.   AND there is free WiFi here - but no chatting - it won't let any of my IM services connect.  Bastards.

I am taking the shuttle back to the hotel & sleeping tonight.  Tomorrow i am checking out then sitting here til my other sister & her oldest daughter arrive, spending time & possibly a meal with them & then heading back to the land of Cleve.  I am exhausted and getting hungry - I want to get her into surgery now to get her done sooner & then get to bed sooner - is that crazy - I just want the stress to be over sooner.  

clean

I'm clean, in a very sort of Depeche Mode sort of way.  While scritching her back this weekend I noticed that Obi had scabby bits of unhappy skin at the base of her tale along her spine - so the project tonight was KittyWash 2008.  I stopped and picked up some nice kitty shampoo & we began - She was much better behaved - I filled the tub pretty full & the water was a lil on the hot side & she actually seemed to relax & enjoy it for a few moments - She stopped the crazy deep meowring.  

& for those keeping score - the eastside is expecting 8" today - THE EASTSIDE - where my ofc is moving to at the end of the month - INTO THE SNOWBELT - I fucking hate this part & that I get to do the entire winter's commute to start things off there is not endearing it to me.

I'm up

And it is still dark out.  Wes showed up @ my door at midnight - I was asleep i barely woke up enough to let him in.  So happy I didn't have to get dressed & would be warmed after that blast of cold air.  I wasn't awake enough for words.  we just curled up to sleep.  Right now he is curled up around me sound asleep - he makes these lil murmurring noises periodically.  So sweet.  Reason #3784 why I love him: he doesn't read this - he had no clue how much i really have been craving to be touched.  I've missed him & his magical ability to wrap himself around me like a human blanket w/o making me feel smothered.  I know he showed up for himself but I appreciate his treatment of me.  It is so rare that I am awake before him - I'm going to make some chai & throw in a movie & watch him sleep for a few hours.  And just enjoy his sweet soft flesh today - I'm thinkin I want a rubdown later if he's willing.  You know I have no idea why he is in town at all.  

***Note: from now on if you show up @ my place unannounced I expect the usual offerings of cheesecake &/or booze AND I want to know why you are here in the first 5 mins - I'm too freakin accepting of those I love.

Liking bois...

OK - I know you have to take a cluestick & beat them sometimes. But I want to register the complaint that sometimes you get the "yay" signals that they are interested in you then *poof* - the jump away? - Were they really interested? Or did they just get busy?

So I met up w/ a boi several weeks ago & he was cute & interesting & we hung out & watched cruddy horror movie & laughed & held hands (yes, cute I know) - we did not end up making out but for a first meeting - I was fairly pleased at the speed with which things were progressing. Then things got busy for both of us & I know that if I don't put forth some kind of effort I might as well just pretend we never met. So I'm back to the ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH. & I don't want to be pestering or a nag - but I'd like to plan my world out - U know as well as I do that when someone catches my interest I like to see how it will play out - that's what it means, you see, to have my interest - I'm INTERESTED. I'd like to set up a second date/encounter and put it on the books not because I'm all anal and needs scheduling but things are getting more & more complicated in my lil world & I don't like missing the op to follow something new. AND there are other responsibilities: I want to take a shift or 3 for the crisis center but I do not want to be having a nice evening and *ring* - mid-makeout -> "Sorry honey, I need to go spend the next 6 hours at the hospital w/ a survivor & no, you can't come along & no, immediately afterwards I won't probably want to see you, you are too new to me & I'm not exactly in a makeout mood after such things. In fact I'm usually a lil emotionally raw & therefore do not want to expose those parts of myself to you yet because you are brand new & damnit can't a girl have some alone time when she is raw?

Maybe this is all a bigger reaction to having nothing in my control, no one's spiralingly insane health, not my ofc or my job or the "even more changes" that are coming to it, not even the fulfilling of the desire for human interaction - let alone the desire to make out w/ 1 geographically close boi in particular - that isn't to say there aren't others I want to makeout with or cuddle with or just spend time with - they are just farther away.
So yeah - Bois = frustrating.

Fuck it - I tried, I'm going to go meditate & ready myself for the nonstop madness ahead.

Be the best American you can be

Boycott these hatemongering people & businesses for giving money to support Cali's Prop 8 & denying civil rights to others and for trying to legislate their narrowminded religious beliefs onto others' bodies & lives.  Remember kiddies "If you don't like what they do with your money - don't give it to them"

Let it never be said

That I am not a big softie.  Seriously I am curled up w/ chai (hint of cayenne to warm me) - and watching last night's er.  I know that Anthony Edwards is an actor, hell I know he is Goose, he has been on interviews all this last few weeks leading up to this show.  I knew to expect him, my precious Dr Greene.  I teared up when he showed up on screen.  I heard the strains of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" in my ears despite the music on the screen.  In the episode he was actively getting chemo yet working - just like my dad did.  I'm full on crying right now.  tears flowing freely - way less to do with the kids on screen than with Dr Greene & the memory of his death on the show & how it intertwined w/ my father's death in real life.  So much the same and yet so different.  I remember watching little corners of my life & the things our family went thru being played out on screen so long ago.  So many "last years" spent together.  Apparently I am made of soft.

No more

No more Cinemark at Valley View for me.  Bastards ruining the only decent freakin theatre in the area.  

Every day

I see the world differently - in my own warped way - I know this & every day I struggle against the mindnumbing homogenized sheeple crap.  I process things thru me & they spit out different on the other side.  I like it this way.  I am a unique & special snowflake no matter what Chuck says.

TeeHeeHee

38 miles per gallon

Created by The Car Connection

I am rude...

when driving - I know it - we've discussed my driving styles, speeds, and even gesticulations at length. I hold myself to the same standard I hold everyone else to - I'm not on the road to play games, I simply want to get from point A to point B as quickly and safely as possible. I do not cut u off & slow down - perhaps I cut u off, but never do I slow down or brake check u. I keep driving - usually if I cut u off it is because I am going faster than you are & you are forcing me to go around you by passing you on the right. or my favorite of late the person who veers into my lane going 50 when I am going 65 (in a 60 mph zone by the way for those of you keeping tally & I know you are out there) on a 3 lane hwy & I am in the far left lane & there is something over 10 car lengths ahead that this person intends to go incrementally faster than & eventually pass - but this doesn't change the fact that I am now in the middle lane passing this person & after signaling returning to the far left lane. This is not rocket science. I know they saw me & still decided to slowly change lanes or the persons who drive so they are taking up 2 lanes - bloody hell - how is that any shade of legal? - I digress. I am by all accounts a rude driver but I am never intentionally "playing a game" with anyone on the road.

I am never rude to anyone in the service industry. Never to the receptionist, the wait staff, the phone operator. I just thought I'd clarify that. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than going on a meet n greet w/ a guy & he treats the wait staff like garbage or tips below 15%. I just thought I'd share - written after yet another patient tried to browbeat me into manufacturing an appt for her out of thin air. I simply do not have the authority to order anyone to see a patient outside of their scheduled hours.

I'm just sayin...

So stress

Oh stress that I am under.  Liz's surgery is scheduled - still sorting travel & lodging for it.  My other current breast cancer friend is looking at chemo and radiation - 6 of the 7 lymph nodes came back positive.  it is simply not ok.  I'm home alone tonight, curled up trying to think clearly about anything & failing miserably.

I just thought I'd share - i don't particularly want to be doing anything.  I want to sleep soundly.  

I'm thinkin bath & sleep - cuddling would be nice the cats will have to do for now.  

I think the munchkin has the right idea.

Fuck yeah

Though I'm in agreement w/ DA -time to take down the Mormons - I'm pissed about Cali's Prop 8 & elated - freaking joious about Washington's Issue 1000.  Still hunting for other races I care about.  Speaking of which #6 did not pass (yay) - such a scamlicious piece of legislature.

voted

if you don't vote don't bother talking to me.  ever.  Seriously fuck off.

Fuck me

54 people in the last 35 years.  54

54

Well, 55?

My baby girl - my baby sister has Carney's Triad.  the quick & dirty here.  The biopsy of her adrenal tumor showed it to be a pheochromocytoma type of paraganglioma.  rare, very rare w/ the GIST to form part of the triad - we now get to wait & see if the lung tumors show up.

Fuck.

If u are new & don't know or don't remember: start here & work your way forward by hitting "newer post" at the bottom for the whole long story.

Off to Toledo

YAY!!!

Dear State of Ohio Voters...

PLEASE GO READ THE ISSUES & SORT OUT YOUR DAMNED OPINIONS ON THEM BEFORE YOU VOTE.  SERIOUSLY.  THIS IS THE BEST RESOURCE I HAVE FOUND FOR UNDERSTANDING THEM & THE PROS & CONS EQUALLY.  & IT INCLUDES THE TEXT OF THE ISSUES THEMSELVES SO IF YOU ARE BIG BOIS & GIRLS YOU CAN EVEN READ THEM FOR YOURSELF.

So my munchkin's old middle school is full of Nazis

Well, not really, I just couldn't resist the extrapolation. Though they (yes that is the middle school the munchkin did attend - I called to double check) did recently have a "Hit the Jew Day" - what the fuck?

I don't have Nazi pics - clearly - so I went w/ the anti-children rhetoric.

Some Random Dude

Some random dude wrote a letter to the red states on Craigslist. StopAllMonsters - took it from there & I am reproducing it here because it makes me freakin smile & scream at the purpley state I live in - I suppose I should take heart that I am in a blue county & most of my beloveds are in blue states & will let me move in.

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Dear goodness

I am tired, read exhausted, work is stress right now - patients being nutsier, like a giant vise around the office getting tighter & tighter.  Between the internals of the people, the pending move, the patients being crazy about all of it, & I mean crazy - I was yelled at - YELLED AT today by 3 different patients, somehow it is my fault that I can't magically make appointments generate out of thin air.  I hate the madness & I'm going to bed early again.