The Baitcon Bruises

From the fall on saturday these are the bruises on each of my calves - I'm sparing you the shots of the cut tip of my (L) pinkie toe, ( R) lateral ankle, (L) anterior ring finger & multiple other contusions - I'm a mess but the weekend was totally worth it.  More on that later.  Though I can report my new favorite ice cream is Cognac Sour Cream & fave sorbet is Strawberry Balsamic Black Pepper.

Gone baby Gone

I'm outie - if you needs me Google Baitcon & dig the site til you find lodgings for this year's Baitcon XX & the EMERGENCY NUMBER you can reach me thru that - I doubt I will have Cell reception.  I'll be in BFE & I am shutting off my phone from Thursday thru Next Monday when I return to civilization.  I'd say fuck you all But really I just mean the parts of the human race which 

make me want to scratch my eyes out. 

on Fatherless Day

Alone this year - very very alone.  

Not complaining just acknowledging.  I miss my dad.  His birthday passed this week unnoticed by anyone but me.  That's all I got.

Iran

I have no such account myself, but reposts anyway: If you have a Twitter account, set your location to Tehran and your time zone to GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location/timezone searches. The more people at this location, the more of a logjam it creates for forces trying to shut Iranians' access to the internet down. Cut, paste and please pass it on.

Pork Lung

H1N1 is killing 2 of every 10,000 people in the US who contract it. That is .02% that is less than 1% of the people who get it. Worldwide (so of course we contribute to this stat - H1N1 is killing 47 in every 10,000 people who contract it. .47% - just under .5% seriously. this is not the end of the world to lose .02% of the population. kick the Captain Trips scenarios out of your noggins. The virus in the Stand had a 99.4% mortality rate -meaning that of every 1000 people who contracted it 994 died. BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE. I'm just saying. the difference between losing less than 1% of your population and only having 6% left at all.

In my home town which as of the 2000 census had less than 1,000 occupants there might be zero fatalities. So much death & not one where it counts. Egads that was a morbid thought - I don't hate everyone from home but I spent much of my first 20 years hating them, it is a hard habit to fall out of but then hate isn't a habit really too many unrighted wrongs, too many unpaid damages. Seriously.

Bill is dead...

But he wasn't murdered,
But damned if'n that ain't somethin'
I think back on Kwai Chang Caine w/ joi

eeeeeep

I am so excited to grab Caitlin & have her all to myself in less than 2 hours - I am leaving work at 1800 & then driving very carefully to pick her up AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH - why do I have to work at the opposite end of town from her - from the far east suburb to the far west suburb & since the sun came out & dried everything off you know damned well there are going to be cops on the road so slow we will go...

Strange Days in my heart...

I've written on such things before & I feel an update is in order. for names & details & of course the all important whether or not you know the individuals in question please ask me directly. Ahhh such is my life - I have found myself involved in an ever evolving relationship of sorts with the most amazing couple in Philly - I adore them & miss them loads, I find myself batted back and forth tween them whoever is online & has a bit of sparetime when I do. I have undefined relationships growing with several other men (3) all of whom are either married or involved with others but are in open/varying degrees of polyamorous relationships. I'm fighting the urge to really push things forward. I so very much want to sit back & see how things develop. I love the clear & open communications with them & there is an attraction with at least 2 of their other partners as well. I am truly enjoying the exploration & the honesty. & I love the solid friendships they are all based within. Although I am still craving that "get home from work, exchange footrubs, talk, sleep with, wake with, slight tug as we part ways" day to day life with a or several significant others. & for those of you about to point the finger at me screaming "whoreslut!!!" : still no sex for well over a year. I miss sex & proper kissing with someone I am attracted to. & the last time I kissed someone - hmm I was kissed at the last party @ the FTS Compound, but no real attraction there & the last time I slept with anyone I was in Pittsburgh & cuddling Kerry in the early morning hours (thank you Kate for waking me & inviting me - I truly do not have words for how much I needed that.)

Oh the beginning it shall be - one bright day last March Froggy & Tyger invited me to tag along to a Recycled Rainbow meeting. This was after I had been threatening her all week that I was going to bring over my paraffin bath & force her to use it on her lil hands. Not because I am a Dom but because I want everyone I care about to be healthy & whole. The Plan - plug in bath, go to meeting, get food, dip body parts & watch movies. The Reality - plugged in bath, went to meeting, fell in adoration w/ the concepts being bandied about, went for food - ended up at afterparty/mixer @ Everyman/DG's place, had an amazing time. & from there it grew. Everyman took it upon himself to invite me to Tuesday Teatime & I have been in attendence ever since. I enjoy the people & the vibe. I've kvetched more than enough that I have been long absent from the poets & artists. & I've found some. A few smokers in the lot but I love them anyway & they are utterly respectful of the fact that I want nothing to do w/ the vile cigarette smoke. But passions & fury are so nice to be near whether they match my own or not. So good to be associating w/ people who do things instead of sit around for hours playing the "What do you wanna do" game. I've needed this.

By the next meeting I was arriving & leaving on my own - drawn like a crazed moth to the flame.

So Memorial Day weekend I participated in Primer with them. Primer is the event before THE Event. It is the prototyping/generally mucking about version of Recycled Rainbow proper which will take place in September. Katelynn was there with me - that is I offered her cheap camping & fun & she took it. I think she fell in love with things like I did but I'm just speculating. Katelynn brought the giant 18month old Rottie named Coffee with her - so I helped w/ aunty duties throughout the weekend, I love that dog, and for a cat person like me to say that you know the animal is pretty damned special. We, Katelynn, Tyger, Coffee & I had the best walk along the railroad tracks. I loved getting to know everyone there so much closer. Late night fire talks, early rising to conversations around the campfire/ashes. I loved the sleeping in a tent again (the first time since I was in highschool). I loved setting up my lil area. I have definite ideas for RR this fall. I gave up fixing people on the ground & random chairs & set up my table in the pavilion giving me quick access to sorting out hip & back issues. With all the building going on (24' domes, 8' platforms, Metamorphasis) it was easier for me to fix than watch people in pain all weekend. I loved the music & the sights. I even loved the constant train traffic. The names of the participants are etched on my brain & heart & I am not gonna bore you with all of the moments unless they pop up later in my writing.

I'm still in process. I'm still sorting out how & what this all means. Bare with me while I do this.

Memorial Day Weekend 2009

I'll be @ Primer w/ the Recycled Rainbow peoples.   JOIN US.  I'd love to see you there.  I am sooo looking forward to rest & play & make & joi & fire.  

Fuck McDos

i still have nightmares about a certain classmate (Jon) in highschool sitting in French class trying to act cooler than the average kid by adding the hard {a} sound to end of words & only succeeding in pissing off the French teacher & grating on my nerves.  AND NOW fucking McDonalds has an entire ad campaign centered on the idea that adding the sound to the end of words makes them "special" - I want to kill the ad guys/gals that came up with that one.  Slowly.  very very slowly.

Hai thair

I needs money in ways I cannot describe.  I needs to supplement about $500 into my monthly income.  I needs ideas & patients.  So if you know anyone looking for relaxation work even - I'll do it.  Seriously.  It's complicated, so I am not going to try to even explain it in writing.  Just call me w/ anything you have.

Also dead

Wow, "The Women's Room" came out the year I was born & yet I am so joious to not be in it.

Dom's Dead

His voice - for me at my age I love his live action works but HIS voice, how many cartoons did I hear him in? - such joi - in the cartoons in my head he is always voicing someone. I'm sad for his family- I've spent so many years watching his sons & they do such amazing work. I hope their life was everything they needed it to be.

Derby Day

No Mint Juleps for me - mmm though I think we needs to find some time to spend an afternoon sipping soonish.

The lil angel's First taste of human flesh today was perfect.  I had a horrible time not "going like this" - I love Cthulu so very much.  & yes I restrained myself from getting her an idol of the Elder Gods.  such delicious sanity nom nom nom...

Happy Beltaine

Merry May Day to all - so much joi - Froggy & Tyger's party looks to be the greatest thing going tomorrow & for a while.  

So much new in my life this spring to be grateful for the entire RR crew & then some - I love so much the people who've fallen into my life thanks to F & T - Seriously.

Sidenote as I sleep alone: no fertility rites in my house, please.

You wanna know

Why the economy is so fucked up.
Seriously.
BECAUSE 10 cents is not a dollar.
BECAUSE 25 cents is not a dollar.
BECAUSE 75 cents is not a dollar.
BECAUSE 89 CENTS IS NOT A FUCKING DOLLAR
When you walk into my office & you have a copay - you needs to pay your fucking copay. YOU needs to pay YOUR fucking copay. I AM NOT EXPECTED TO PAY YOUR FUCKING COPAY JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB. Certainly not without a thank you.

So this bitch comes in to my desk today, and I ask how she would like to pay her copay today & she throws a twenty dollar bill onto the desk. Then she begins counting out the singles & realizes she has only 4 dollars. Her copay is $25. NOT $24. I offer that she can pay via credit/debit card or check & she insists that she wants to pay via cash. As I am making a copy of her card she then informs me that she has 89 cents & that will just have to do. So I supposed to accept $24.89 in lieu of the $25 she owes to see the doctor today - You know that I don't work in an office that handles any sort of emergent cases therefore this is not life or death. The bitch (& I didn't start thinking of her as a bitch until this point) says it will just have to do & goes & sits down. Not a word of thank you, or hey, I'm having a problem could you help me out, or blushing that she didn't have enough asking in any way for assistance. NOPE NADA. FUCK THAT SHIT. So the 11 cents came out of my pocket & I'm pissed. not because I helped someone - but because the fucking bitch's sense of self-entitlement was palpable. I wanted to punch her & be like, I'm sorry that was for the 11 cents. I'm not free bitch.

Catch up

Bea Arthur, my beloved Dorothy has left us, the memories and comparisons of her & my grandmother are many & deep.

HIV+, AIDS, & my living dead bois. Money, time, luck, & love make all the difference in the world.  

So much wrong with the crime, BUT the Andrade verdict brings me so much joi.  I hope it helps.  The tragedy is unforgivable.  

J G Ballard - has left us - It's too late to link it.  If you don't know why it's sad, I cannot help u - The life he lived leaves me in awe second only to his skill in expressing himself & his sight of our future.

I've been swallowed by facebook

I swear that I will resume writing things of substance this week.

Things that make me cry

The Host is dead - so young only 2 years older than I. My breath caught in my throat as I read much as it did watching him be beheaded many moons ago. 

Sad sadder saddest

Colder than frozen things

Where are you now

When there is naught to life 

but fragile demons wings