Done

Blood drawn- phlebotomist was awesome.

The wait at the lab was 45 mins because of the skeleton crew & the nice lady taking my info chicken pecked the keyboard.

I went for groceries - relatively easy til I pulled away realizing that I forgot Cheese - cannot make eggs/sharp cheddar/baconsalt w/o cheese.  So I ran over to the ghetto market on the corner & found some sour cherry juice from somewhere in eastern europe for cheap - yum.  I have food cooking in oven (I'm no longer in the mood for breakfast).  & I am about the take meds & after food I will shower & nap.  I've been up every few hours thru the night.  Frankenovary screaming at me.  This morning I managed to do everything without doubling over in pain or killing anyone.  My pillow looks really good right now.

Happy Pi Day!!!

Yippeeee!!!!!!
Seriously I don't want to get out of bed.

OK - I deal with it

BUT 

I fucking hate needles!!!

I have to get like 5 tubes drawn (a ridiculous amount in my humble opinion) for some tests for a program I'm starting next week.  I gear up  - OK I work in Lyndhurst on Friday, 5 mins from the lab @ Beachwood - simple - work til noon, stop in - do the draw & get on w/ a wknd of meds & crawling from shower to bed.  OH NOOOOOO - I look at the orders to see if there is anything that I can compare the new ones to that I've already had done recently.  & poof - guess what? as I was wrapping myself into my 2nd 3rd of my morning coffee - I have to be fasting for the blood draw because they want glucose levels.  ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH - I have to get to the lab in Lakewood before noon/after 0700 tomorrow & be free of meds to drive there & back.  & still have to deal w/ needles - I don't think I've had a draw @ Lakewood - I hope they are awesome.  Or I'm going to go back to my Dr's ofc - because the phlebotomist there rocks.  

Right now meds are taken & i'm waiting for the painfree to arrive.

The Plague

Illness- & by that I mean the black death has been alive & well in my household this week.  Fever spiking to 103 (that I recorded).  puking, pooing, nothing in my system for 3 days.  This was tolerable.  The problem is/was the Seasonique - the dirty little pills running my ovaries; I'm bleeding/cramping - have been for 2 wks - which means this is the 3rd week of cramping which by the way - next week, ahem, NEXT WEEK is when I am scheduled to bleed.  Sooo kiddies who have been paying attention; What does Jessica need when she is cramping & bleeding? Those of you who said Prescription Narcotics get a gold star.  BUT wait if I can't keep food in my system or most fluids or my regular meds what makes you think I was able to keep the "good stuff" down?  I couldn't.  I didn't know if I was sweating & shaking from the pain or from the fever.  I was a mess.  The fever finally broke yesterday & I was able to keep down yogurt & babyfood smooshed peaches - & sweet blessed drugs.  home from work tonight they are finally kicking in again.  

While ill i did not need a visiting nurse service to come take care of me but rather a "Dial-a-boifriend" or something similar - I wanted someone who knew me & my apt & where everything is & could just step in & take care of me, cook for me, cool rag for my head, & who gets along w/ the cats, etc... I think that would be awesome.  Or "Dial-a-girlfriend" I'm not picky I just wanted to feel cared for.  On the other hand I have to say I could have kissed my direct report when she walked in & saw me today - her first words were "I could kiss you" - we need eachother to make the ofc run smoothly - I missed my coworkers & it felt good to feel the love today when they dropped by to check on me & offer soup & to run for tea, etc...

Rape

At what point does this sink in & stop being "news" at what point does this finally crack thru & do people realize that not every soldier is a bloodthirsty powerhungry rapist in and of himself? At what point do we step in & stop the government sanctioned rapes?

How is this new? Who finds this to be informative? to find the information something new?!?!?!

This is not new news. This is a crime against humanity - every rape is. from the date raped teenager; to the American soldier raped by her comrades in Iraq, to the wife raped by her husband, to the rape of women all over the world as just another step in the genocide of a people.

The intentions might very well differ slightly - the soldier being ordered to rape, the teenage boi who thinks that "this is just how women like it", the husband who thinks it is his right to sex when & how he wants it. I'd love to have a clue why an American soldier would rape a female in his unit while in the sandbox but I honestly don't know - I've only ever talked to the survivors; aside from the culture of rape that the military so happily provides I have no idea. & yes this comes across as if I have a BIG issue with this & I do - I've seen too many lives ruined by it. Too many women destroyed by these actions & those are only women who sought help, not the ones who keep silent out of fear.

This just empties me of words. Rape is a military tactic that works so much better than a nuclear bomb. It destroys the people while leaving the land intact & usable. It has the power to destroy generations and cultures and societies like no other weapon on earth. It has the power to make a woman abandon her child. It has the power to make a mother kill her daughters rather than let it happen to them; for men to kill their families rather than let it happen to them.

In the interview he discusses that his penis wouldn't come erect for him to actually penetrate anyone - but seriously that only saved his victims from the tissue damage of penetration, from the possibility of impregnation - it didn't save their minds; it didn't stop them from dying inside, from fearing every man they see, from fearing every touch, it didn't save them the trauma of the assault. It just saved his life. I hope his life was worth saving. I hope he makes it worth saving.

Just keep in mind this is from a woman who thinks rapists should be hunted down & beaten in the street, their half-dead bodies left rotting on pikes outside of towns as a reminder that it will not be tolerated. Harboring a rapist should be met also with punishment. lopping off an arm above the elbow & a leg above the knee - Hell I'd let the convicted choose which parts - the parts also hung outside the city along the highways & byways. Maybe I'm a lil bloody. I'm not in Congress for a reason. I'm not trying to legislate these beliefs. I just think the world would be a better place if it worked that way. & since Watchmen is so fresh on my mind - I must confess this is the area that I hold Rorschach-like convictions. There is no compromise with me on it.

It is sad that the cop stopped her. It would have been better if she had an accident. As it is her offspring live to dumb down the genepool.

Fuck you

There is horrible & by that I mean a 9 year old girl - ahem, NINE YEAR OLD GIRL, raped by her stepfather since she was as young as six, ahem RAPED SINCE SHE WAS SIX YEARS OLD.  & then there is more horrible - she was found to be pregnant after complaining of stomach pains.  Just so we are clear here: A NINE YEAR OLD GIRL RAPED BY HER STEPFATHER IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS.  The child's body cannot carry the babies to term.  The child's going to die if the pregnancy is not terminated.  She meets the restrictions required to have an abortion in the country she lives in, there is not a single part of this that is ok.  It is a horrifying terrible situation.

AND THEN 

The fucking Catholic church steps in - mr "universal" Catholic church Archbishop declares the mother - note: NOT THE STEPFATHER WHO RAPED THE CHILD, BUT THE MOTHER TRYING TO SAVE HER CHILD'S LIFE, and the doctors involved with the abortion to be excommunicated from the Church.  & get this bullshit the Vatican backs his play.  HE RAPED A CHILD & THE CHURCH SAYS "WOOHOO, YOU AREN'T A BABYKILLER,WE'LL TAKE YOU"

FUCKING HELL.  You make me embarrassed to call myself Catholic.  You make my stomach turn.  You accept men as bishops who deny the Holocaust even happened & you excommunicate a woman saving her daughter's life, you give $$$ to prevent the civil union of men & women who love eachother because you believe that accepting their love means you have to accept that they have sex.  I was raised better than that.  FUCK YOU CATHOLIC CHURCH.  YOU DID A SHITTY JOB TRYING TO REPLACE JPII - LET'S KILL THIS FUCKER OFF & START OVER.  START OVER BASING THE CHURCH ON LOVE.

Apprentice - Celebrity Edition

Yep I actually feel tied to it.  Scott Hamilton is playing for the Taussig Cancer Center - that would be the Cancer Center & the Cleveland Clinic - it would be awesome to treat more people & get further in research because of Trump's cash.

Who's comin with me?

I am not working on Friday - This does mean that I am working on Saturday.

BUT - Since I am NOT working on FRIDAY - I AM GOING TO THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF THE WATCHMEN

I know, I know, hush you nerdling hordes - it might not be perfect - Moore's relationship with it guarantees it won't be - BUT I am still very interested in seeing it.  

I love the graphic novel

I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan

I love Carla Gugino

I love Matt Frewer

I even love Alex McDowell's production design

So Yeah, who wants to join me? - I'll even bring my flask...

I like this:

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

As in I like the visual aide- I don't dig the situation.

I'm good with the suicide

Seriously - I am.  Life is pain & terrible & you are dying & you'd like to go out on your terms I'm OK with that.  Leave them alone.  Legalize assisted suicides.  

Wow

So Paul Harvey is dead. Another voice of my life is silenced.  The voice I now listen to w/ nostalgic tears in my eyes.  I hated the endless hours of him on AM/NPR/Whatever the hell dad was playing on the radio that wasn't music.  To and from work, day after day - I just can't believe he's gone.

on scary moments

this is the view from my desk - the plant people were doing the plants today & as a part of that they shake the trees to knock down the loose leaves.  All i could think was "Velociraptors in the building!!!!"  We are a bit surrounded by emptyish land/isolated - even the deer think so.  Below is a view looking outside the windows on my floor.

maybe

Maybe I'm just a sucker for a hot man - a really really bright and tall and hot man - maybe I want eyes I can get lost in telling me that the future is not going to be easily won & that we have to start working on it yesterday - maybe I want to have to look up into those eyes and see in them trust and support and not condescending platitudes - maybe I want his voice to be able to challenge me to actions screaming into the night sky - maybe I want the same voice to sing me lullabies to sleep dreaming of a tomorrow of power and passion - maybe all of that

Peter Garrett - let me tell you how much I love this man. He is not one of my elected officials - but damned if I wouldn't vote for him if the opportunity arose. Now I know that many of you thought I was talking about Obama - he's lovely, but the power of his words have yet to strike me as Garrett's have. His voice has yet to drive me to tears.

And I freely admit that yeah - everytime I sit in church as I did this morning for Ash Wednesday mass I hear INXS playing "Devil Inside" in my head. Just as everytime I see/hear of our latest military action I hear "US Forces" raging in my head. The song is so old but still how much of our military actions since it was written fall under the same standard.

"U.S Forces give the nod
It's a setback for your country
Bombs and trenches all in rows
Bombs and threats still ask for more
Divided world, the CIA, say who control the issue
You leave us with no time to talk
You can write your own assessment

Sing me songs of no denying
Seems to me too many tired
Waiting for the next big thing

Will you know it when you see it
High risk children, dogs of war
Now market movements call the shots
Business deals in parking lots
Waiting for the meeting of tomorrow

Sing me songs of no denying
Seems to me too many tired
Waiting for the next big thing

Everyone too stoned to start a mission
People too scared to go to Prison
We're unable to make decisions
Politicians party line, don't cross that floor
L.Ron Hubbard can't save your life
Superboy takes a plutonium wife
In the shadow of Ban The Bomb we live....."

From those first few beats of the percussion - I remember hearing it when I was young; almost too young to understand. Does this mean I'm too old now to forget?

Maybe I just dig him as a secondary to loving Richard O'Brien - I wouldn't be surprised - not at all. Somehow all that twisted artistry being replaced with a social conscience.

hmmm yummmm

My dry house

Humidifier acquired - it ran on middle setting all last night at the lowest humidistat setting - when i woke up it was still running & almost empty - 3 gallons dumped into my air & still dry it is.  less blood from my nose this morning - more mucus = yay

& my bitching about Lyrica ads:

To Quote: "My fibromyalgia muscle pain is real"

So spokesbeotch what you are saying is "My muscle fiber pain muscle pain is real" - what up jackass?  The ad then goes on the stroke the fibro patient's ego by telling them that it is not an anti-depressant but real medicine to address a real medical condition.  I have worked with fibro patients and guess what - 99% of them do need to be on anti-depressants - chemical anti-depressants.  They should be in Physical Therapy to learn how to keep their bodies in good working order despite the pain, serious counseling to sort out their own heads & reframe & deal with the pain in a healthy way instead of the life alteringly bad habits they have unerringly picked up.  Seriously.  There is a reason that the Clinic's intensive pain management program has a huge psych component.  & a reason that people who leave in the middle of it continue to be in pain as they bitch about the docs trying to address their thought processes.  This is not me being mean or trying to say that "the pain they sense is a figment of their imagination" - It is not - it is real - but it is also their organic nerves & their organic brain involved.  Mentally they need to sort out what/who they are with this pain component in their lives.  9 times out of 10 fibro patients have been in so much pain for so long that they are against anyone even implying that they (personality/mentally) have changed as a part of it.  They are used to medical professionals treating them like hypochondriacs.  I have worked with people who literally would say things behind the patients' backs along the lines of "fakers" - "crybabies".  On the other hand most of the fibro patients I've worked with want to either not try anything new to feel better or they are willing to try  - but they want results immediately.  & NO PATIENTS EVER WANT TO DO THE WORK TO FEEL BETTER - seriously - doesn't matter if it is a fibromyalgia issue, a knee replacement, a cold - everyone wants to just *poof* feel better magickally.  New pill, surgery, and they expect to feel instantly better.  NOT gonna happen & if you do start to heal it is never an easy cruise to no pain.  There are always hills and valleys.  

OK I'm better now.

Hmm

Mardi Gras prep this year:

Remember this?

Well I found out more - many weeks ago - apparently that posting was a catalyst for an actual explanation of what was going on.  A tirade of emails and IMs and even a text message followed.  It was ridiculous how much information was suddenly not offered but crammed at me.  It was never offered to discuss anything just a spewing forth of information, threats, and criticism.  I've deleted all of it.  What I read in detail brought forth that my "friend" had some big issues with me that she never bothered to mention and that while she was distancing herself from me she tried to destroy another friendship of mine.  It was really sad.  I've been told by others who have known her longer than me that this sort of thing is a part of her usual behavioral pattern.  I'm so happy to know this now & not later.  I mourn the woman I thought she was & the relationship that I thought we had but I am happy that her true feelings finally came out.  On that note I feel clean & will not be mentioning it again unless you ask.  

I'm good - I think that was the last thing I was carrying from this past year - everything is on the table/addressed with those whom it needs to be addressed.

Happy Birthday you sick old fuck

I love you

Oh Lupercalia

Oh holy Lupa 

I wonder if we ought to have a sweet lil prayer to her like to the mother Mary - I'll work on that.

This year it has been wonderful: The opening was glorious - we walked all the way to Lily's Chocolates which was really quite nice and though they were sold out of chocolates we talked booze w/ the owner perused their fine fine selection.  A reward for our kindness was a bit of the broken chocolates to taste - I have a dark w/ port ganache (amazing).  Katelynn's art was amazing- the space she was showing in was perfect.  All followed after by Caipirinhas and mango lime margaritas & food at Johnny Mangos.  Last night there was Tequila and porn at Froggy and Tyger's place - I made the margaritas - from scratch - fresh grapefruit & regular.  Soo good.  There were new people and old people and fascinating conversation and good food & drink & I ended up at home at around 0300 - Joi - I'm awake now - I have no plans for today beyond naps & bits to eat.  & rehydrating myself for work tomorrow.  

This cunt should have been stopped

I haven't sorted a punishment yet appropriate for the situation.  But the people who give her money are flaming idiots of the highest caliber.  They should be treated as mental patients; so should she but i want her treated a patient about 200 years ago.  I want her to suffer for the pain she is causing the kids all 14 of them & the interviews wherein she says she plans on having more make me want to sneak in & sterilize her in her sleep.

2 years have past...

And I am now in possession of sweet ass new phone - still getting used to it of course & can I just say that the "Backup Assistant" App is the greatest thing ever - 105 contacts all safe & sound.  I'm assigning ringtones right now - ahhh a whole new scheme.

I love you all - I'll soon have email & web access on it all the time.

i am joi w/ new toy