Overwhelmed

The new space is clean & ready for me to move into it. I finished scrubbing the carpets yesterday. I also finished moving the "stuff that is not staying" out of the space. only one more big item to get moved out.

Clothes in front room are almost all packed up - still have to do back room clothes
AND of course the entire rest of my apt. I feel more than a little overwhelmed. If you find yourself bored this weekend, call me, I could use some help packing & cleaning -as of the 15th I can start moving stuff into the new space. In my car I can move things like my LaZBoys but I need bigger vehicles for my bed & it would be easier to move the bookcases & dresser in bigger vehicles. I'm so freaked out as I do this so hugs & cuddles & love are also needed, it is a huge move for me. I have so much to get rid of & so much to get sorted out in the new space. Also food if you feel like dropping by w/ a meal or coffee I appreciate it greatly.

OF NOTE: this move will NOT change my standard of randomly showing up at my door with booze or cheesecake. It just means you need to bring more for the other household members. Well more cheesecake anyway - I think I drink more than anyone in the house & that is not saying much - you know how little I drink. However I will be on the 3rd floor so if you try to knock on the door I will be the last person to hear it. Please call ahead & let me know to expect you or try the pebble to the window thing if you think I am up in my room. Of course you are responsible if you break a window.

Also overwhelmed by the love & support you have shown me in calls & notes & emails & so on. Seriously you make me tear up just thinking about it. THANK YOU

Oh Happy Birthday to me!!!

OK - no sleeping through the night.
BUT

New Sons of Anarchy with Henry Rollins.
It is the BEST birthday present so far. Seriously.

Updates

News!

I am following up on the job leads that you have given me - thank you so much.

I will be moving into the FTS Compound (oh our lil commune in the making).

I will be moving the most/emptying the old apt the wknd before RR - so that I will be settled in before RR - I think that is most beneficial to all involved.

I will post details of times/dates of movements of items to storage/FTS as soon as I can sort them out. I appreciate all offers of assistance & will be taking you up on them. I am not requesting that you forgo your own lives/projects to help. I can let you know that I will be out of town Labor Day wknd as planned before all this & then the bulk of the move must take place after the 14th. so the wknd in between I will need help packing & cleaning.

This is all really sudden & still scary for me.

Thank you for the love & support.

I saw the doc today...

I am healthy per the doc - she was amazed at the weight I've lost & how low my blood pressure is & how good I look. Since March I have dropped around 30 lbs, I've taken 7 inches off my waist. My blood pressure has gone from an alltime high of 164/100 to a snazzy 114/68 - which is pretty darn sexe in my book. These were added bonuses - the reason for the visit was to refill my sched IV narcotics (YAY). I am feeling better than last week - I'm still processing last week & promise an update as soon as I can put it all into words. I no longer feel like I am about to start sobbing at any moment. The stress has been a lot to handle & I feel better after good sleep & touching a body this weekend. I still feel touch starved - i just need a giant puppy pile of people to sleep in & MAYBE I'll start to feel sated.

Angry & Hurt

But I am a vindictive bitch in the long run. I won't cause the destruction of the people who hurt me. That would be wrong. I will remember & enjoy it when they fall.

& the bruises have come in

& my knee throbs. Last night I drank copious amounts of alcohol, I came home at a sane hour, I felt good - my knee, she had other ideas. The throbbing deep pain coupled with the top level sharper pain where the skin is gone & the nerves are raw. About a 6/10 which is more than the injuries gotten at Baitcon ever hit. At 0230 with anti-inflammitories in my system, arnica on the bruised area, lying back w/ leg elevated & no relief. I ended up finding an ice pack (oh sweet blessed cervical ice pack in my freezer (I was literally bashing a bag of edemame to break it up enough to use as an ice pack when I saw it). 20 minutes later the throbbing was still present but the sharper pains had decreased a bit 4/10 pain overall. I thought I would update the pics since the bruises have arrived & they make it look much closer to what it feels like.

Let it be known that I am still clumsy

I have not yet begun drinking today but I will as soon as this posts

bloodied knee & elbow (Left)

scraped top of foot - but no blood (Left)

bruised palm (Right)

The pics are good but the size is harder to sort - I promise that my knee is much bigger than my elbow & the wounds are much bigger on my knee than my elbow. I tripped on the sidewalk - trying to walk to the store - Apparently I need more practice walking - Lordie...

2nd passing thought - those unlined wool pants I wear at work are gonna feel fuckin fantastic tomorrow...

I'm off...

to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Odd...

Just prey...

Fucking selfrighteous asshats who believe EVERYONE "is never more alive" than when you are playing by their rules...

You are never more alive than you are at any moment that you are not dead.

FUCKING DEAL WITH IT JACKASS.

If I deem you worthy

I can count on less than 2 hands the number of friends I had in 1991 who are still my friends today. They read me here & never comment. We talk & rarely invade eachothers' lives beyond the very tightest circles of immediate family, spouses, children. And yet I am godmother to their children, I performed some of their marriages, I am their Power of Attorney, they are the first call on most of my emergency forms, when things go sideways they are the first round of calls I make. In recent years I have tried hard to open up to newer friends, to let new relationships get closer. It is a hard discipline I have fallen into, to wait to call the people I know will be there in lieu of letting other people who have offered to be there have the chance. This is a long time to be so close & so distant from eachother. I know why we chose the distancing, it was so hard watching us die & holding on to only eachother. Even now a glance in Jase's eyes stops my heart as I see his brother in them looking back. This strange orbit we've chosen in lieu of collision and the inevitable chaos that follows as our universe realigns. I realize that compartmentalization spills over into other social sets & I work so hard to blend people together & yet you remain untouched. As if I do not want to share you, as if you are all my secret lovers, some strange affair that dare not speak its name in the light of day or dark of night. We know eachothers' actions & reactions as if we were born to them ourselves. Even the surprises are not surprising - When was the last time Jason or I didn't know exactly what was going on before we were told? The respect is so ingrained in us. We've known the boundaries for so long they are worn into our palms sliding along the fence. I hold them farther out than they hold me because of the way I was raised. I spent too many years having everything I cared about stripped away as my parents reached desperately for anything to use as a punishment. I've spent most of my adult life not bringing much of the things I care about anywhere near my biological family, so that which I hold most dear I hold the farthest from them. It has been a huge step to include my family in anything I am doing with my life over the last 5 years.

You know I had a point to all of this ramble. Wes showed up last night/this morning at around 0200 - strangely - despite the fact that I had to work today I was awake. I was in the midst of a conflict with a new friend & it was nice to have a sounding board to sort if I was over reacting on some huge scale to an insult or if it was just my SOP. Could my reaction have been predicted? Long talkings, followed by rest, deep, peaceful sleep in arms that my body knows as well as it knows my favorite pillow. Wes had some good points in our ramblings, one of them was that I hadn't brought a significant other around, ever. The answer rolled off my tongue before I knew what I was saying: That would be like any other widow bringing her latest SO around her dead spouse's family. Just cruel. I hadn't thought about it out loud with anyone. I don't know if I want that to change, but then I don't know if I have had an SO that I trusted enough. So many insecurities coming up, scenarios that I already know the answers. So strange as I lied there realizing how much Kerry {the ex Kerry, not the good Kerry, good Kerry would not wig out at meeting my family & I loved meeting hers, they are wonderful} had wigged out at the idea of meeting my family but he never met them, my inner sanctum, that family of choice that has stood with me through so much more. There are other families of friends he met, he ran the gauntlet from my R&I to the Toledo folk. But he never sat graveside with me meeting Adam, I don't think he would have tolerated it. I don't know that anyone who has been involved with me would tolerate that. Would understand the significance of his life within mine. Short of those merry few everyone else who reads this knows only the outcome, only the me that has emerged from those ashes. & I know the 2 are not dependent on eachother - I could have SOs involved without forcing Adam down their throat as well, but it is me, if you can't handle one, you aren't fit for the other.

Hatred

For the asshats in my neighborhood who are making it sound like a good day in Kosovo outside - it is 2356 & the bastards are still setting off REAL fireworks - as in fly up in the sky & go boom raining crap back to the earth a block away.  DiFranco is terrified.  

I hope no innocents get hurt but that the asshats lose body parts.

The Baitcon Bruises

From the fall on saturday these are the bruises on each of my calves - I'm sparing you the shots of the cut tip of my (L) pinkie toe, ( R) lateral ankle, (L) anterior ring finger & multiple other contusions - I'm a mess but the weekend was totally worth it.  More on that later.  Though I can report my new favorite ice cream is Cognac Sour Cream & fave sorbet is Strawberry Balsamic Black Pepper.

Gone baby Gone

I'm outie - if you needs me Google Baitcon & dig the site til you find lodgings for this year's Baitcon XX & the EMERGENCY NUMBER you can reach me thru that - I doubt I will have Cell reception.  I'll be in BFE & I am shutting off my phone from Thursday thru Next Monday when I return to civilization.  I'd say fuck you all But really I just mean the parts of the human race which 

make me want to scratch my eyes out. 

on Fatherless Day

Alone this year - very very alone.  

Not complaining just acknowledging.  I miss my dad.  His birthday passed this week unnoticed by anyone but me.  That's all I got.

Iran

I have no such account myself, but reposts anyway: If you have a Twitter account, set your location to Tehran and your time zone to GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location/timezone searches. The more people at this location, the more of a logjam it creates for forces trying to shut Iranians' access to the internet down. Cut, paste and please pass it on.

Pork Lung

H1N1 is killing 2 of every 10,000 people in the US who contract it. That is .02% that is less than 1% of the people who get it. Worldwide (so of course we contribute to this stat - H1N1 is killing 47 in every 10,000 people who contract it. .47% - just under .5% seriously. this is not the end of the world to lose .02% of the population. kick the Captain Trips scenarios out of your noggins. The virus in the Stand had a 99.4% mortality rate -meaning that of every 1000 people who contracted it 994 died. BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE. I'm just saying. the difference between losing less than 1% of your population and only having 6% left at all.

In my home town which as of the 2000 census had less than 1,000 occupants there might be zero fatalities. So much death & not one where it counts. Egads that was a morbid thought - I don't hate everyone from home but I spent much of my first 20 years hating them, it is a hard habit to fall out of but then hate isn't a habit really too many unrighted wrongs, too many unpaid damages. Seriously.

Bill is dead...

But he wasn't murdered,
But damned if'n that ain't somethin'
I think back on Kwai Chang Caine w/ joi

eeeeeep

I am so excited to grab Caitlin & have her all to myself in less than 2 hours - I am leaving work at 1800 & then driving very carefully to pick her up AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH - why do I have to work at the opposite end of town from her - from the far east suburb to the far west suburb & since the sun came out & dried everything off you know damned well there are going to be cops on the road so slow we will go...

Strange Days in my heart...

I've written on such things before & I feel an update is in order. for names & details & of course the all important whether or not you know the individuals in question please ask me directly. Ahhh such is my life - I have found myself involved in an ever evolving relationship of sorts with the most amazing couple in Philly - I adore them & miss them loads, I find myself batted back and forth tween them whoever is online & has a bit of sparetime when I do. I have undefined relationships growing with several other men (3) all of whom are either married or involved with others but are in open/varying degrees of polyamorous relationships. I'm fighting the urge to really push things forward. I so very much want to sit back & see how things develop. I love the clear & open communications with them & there is an attraction with at least 2 of their other partners as well. I am truly enjoying the exploration & the honesty. & I love the solid friendships they are all based within. Although I am still craving that "get home from work, exchange footrubs, talk, sleep with, wake with, slight tug as we part ways" day to day life with a or several significant others. & for those of you about to point the finger at me screaming "whoreslut!!!" : still no sex for well over a year. I miss sex & proper kissing with someone I am attracted to. & the last time I kissed someone - hmm I was kissed at the last party @ the FTS Compound, but no real attraction there & the last time I slept with anyone I was in Pittsburgh & cuddling Kerry in the early morning hours (thank you Kate for waking me & inviting me - I truly do not have words for how much I needed that.)

Oh the beginning it shall be - one bright day last March Froggy & Tyger invited me to tag along to a Recycled Rainbow meeting. This was after I had been threatening her all week that I was going to bring over my paraffin bath & force her to use it on her lil hands. Not because I am a Dom but because I want everyone I care about to be healthy & whole. The Plan - plug in bath, go to meeting, get food, dip body parts & watch movies. The Reality - plugged in bath, went to meeting, fell in adoration w/ the concepts being bandied about, went for food - ended up at afterparty/mixer @ Everyman/DG's place, had an amazing time. & from there it grew. Everyman took it upon himself to invite me to Tuesday Teatime & I have been in attendence ever since. I enjoy the people & the vibe. I've kvetched more than enough that I have been long absent from the poets & artists. & I've found some. A few smokers in the lot but I love them anyway & they are utterly respectful of the fact that I want nothing to do w/ the vile cigarette smoke. But passions & fury are so nice to be near whether they match my own or not. So good to be associating w/ people who do things instead of sit around for hours playing the "What do you wanna do" game. I've needed this.

By the next meeting I was arriving & leaving on my own - drawn like a crazed moth to the flame.

So Memorial Day weekend I participated in Primer with them. Primer is the event before THE Event. It is the prototyping/generally mucking about version of Recycled Rainbow proper which will take place in September. Katelynn was there with me - that is I offered her cheap camping & fun & she took it. I think she fell in love with things like I did but I'm just speculating. Katelynn brought the giant 18month old Rottie named Coffee with her - so I helped w/ aunty duties throughout the weekend, I love that dog, and for a cat person like me to say that you know the animal is pretty damned special. We, Katelynn, Tyger, Coffee & I had the best walk along the railroad tracks. I loved getting to know everyone there so much closer. Late night fire talks, early rising to conversations around the campfire/ashes. I loved the sleeping in a tent again (the first time since I was in highschool). I loved setting up my lil area. I have definite ideas for RR this fall. I gave up fixing people on the ground & random chairs & set up my table in the pavilion giving me quick access to sorting out hip & back issues. With all the building going on (24' domes, 8' platforms, Metamorphasis) it was easier for me to fix than watch people in pain all weekend. I loved the music & the sights. I even loved the constant train traffic. The names of the participants are etched on my brain & heart & I am not gonna bore you with all of the moments unless they pop up later in my writing.

I'm still in process. I'm still sorting out how & what this all means. Bare with me while I do this.

Memorial Day Weekend 2009

I'll be @ Primer w/ the Recycled Rainbow peoples.   JOIN US.  I'd love to see you there.  I am sooo looking forward to rest & play & make & joi & fire.  

Fuck McDos

i still have nightmares about a certain classmate (Jon) in highschool sitting in French class trying to act cooler than the average kid by adding the hard {a} sound to end of words & only succeeding in pissing off the French teacher & grating on my nerves.  AND NOW fucking McDonalds has an entire ad campaign centered on the idea that adding the sound to the end of words makes them "special" - I want to kill the ad guys/gals that came up with that one.  Slowly.  very very slowly.

Hai thair

I needs money in ways I cannot describe.  I needs to supplement about $500 into my monthly income.  I needs ideas & patients.  So if you know anyone looking for relaxation work even - I'll do it.  Seriously.  It's complicated, so I am not going to try to even explain it in writing.  Just call me w/ anything you have.

Also dead

Wow, "The Women's Room" came out the year I was born & yet I am so joious to not be in it.

Dom's Dead

His voice - for me at my age I love his live action works but HIS voice, how many cartoons did I hear him in? - such joi - in the cartoons in my head he is always voicing someone. I'm sad for his family- I've spent so many years watching his sons & they do such amazing work. I hope their life was everything they needed it to be.

Derby Day

No Mint Juleps for me - mmm though I think we needs to find some time to spend an afternoon sipping soonish.

The lil angel's First taste of human flesh today was perfect.  I had a horrible time not "going like this" - I love Cthulu so very much.  & yes I restrained myself from getting her an idol of the Elder Gods.  such delicious sanity nom nom nom...

Happy Beltaine

Merry May Day to all - so much joi - Froggy & Tyger's party looks to be the greatest thing going tomorrow & for a while.  

So much new in my life this spring to be grateful for the entire RR crew & then some - I love so much the people who've fallen into my life thanks to F & T - Seriously.

Sidenote as I sleep alone: no fertility rites in my house, please.

You wanna know

Why the economy is so fucked up.
Seriously.
BECAUSE 10 cents is not a dollar.
BECAUSE 25 cents is not a dollar.
BECAUSE 75 cents is not a dollar.
BECAUSE 89 CENTS IS NOT A FUCKING DOLLAR
When you walk into my office & you have a copay - you needs to pay your fucking copay. YOU needs to pay YOUR fucking copay. I AM NOT EXPECTED TO PAY YOUR FUCKING COPAY JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB. Certainly not without a thank you.

So this bitch comes in to my desk today, and I ask how she would like to pay her copay today & she throws a twenty dollar bill onto the desk. Then she begins counting out the singles & realizes she has only 4 dollars. Her copay is $25. NOT $24. I offer that she can pay via credit/debit card or check & she insists that she wants to pay via cash. As I am making a copy of her card she then informs me that she has 89 cents & that will just have to do. So I supposed to accept $24.89 in lieu of the $25 she owes to see the doctor today - You know that I don't work in an office that handles any sort of emergent cases therefore this is not life or death. The bitch (& I didn't start thinking of her as a bitch until this point) says it will just have to do & goes & sits down. Not a word of thank you, or hey, I'm having a problem could you help me out, or blushing that she didn't have enough asking in any way for assistance. NOPE NADA. FUCK THAT SHIT. So the 11 cents came out of my pocket & I'm pissed. not because I helped someone - but because the fucking bitch's sense of self-entitlement was palpable. I wanted to punch her & be like, I'm sorry that was for the 11 cents. I'm not free bitch.

Catch up

Bea Arthur, my beloved Dorothy has left us, the memories and comparisons of her & my grandmother are many & deep.

HIV+, AIDS, & my living dead bois. Money, time, luck, & love make all the difference in the world.  

So much wrong with the crime, BUT the Andrade verdict brings me so much joi.  I hope it helps.  The tragedy is unforgivable.  

J G Ballard - has left us - It's too late to link it.  If you don't know why it's sad, I cannot help u - The life he lived leaves me in awe second only to his skill in expressing himself & his sight of our future.

I've been swallowed by facebook

I swear that I will resume writing things of substance this week.

Things that make me cry

The Host is dead - so young only 2 years older than I. My breath caught in my throat as I read much as it did watching him be beheaded many moons ago. 

Sad sadder saddest

Colder than frozen things

Where are you now

When there is naught to life 

but fragile demons wings

Who knew?

Your result for The Watchmen Personality Type Test...

Rorschach

You scored 79% Moral Imperatives and 44% Attitude!

You are extremely moral absolutist.

While you unwaveringly follow a strict moral code, you often fail to demonstrate the empathy needed to make a moral decision. You find institutional forms of order unsatisfactory and oppressive and believe that your uncompromisng standpoint somehow exempts you from accusations of wrong-doing.

While some might respect your individual and steadfast perspective, be prepared for the possibility that the practical majority might find your black and white moral code unnacceptable.

Take The Watchmen Personality Type Test at HelloQuizzy

This is so where I am today

Oh the wildlife at work

we have Wild Turkeys!!! not just bosses who make me wish for Wild Turkey & deer, deer everywhere.  Also a cardinal, blue jays, raccoons, bunnies, at least 1 hawk to keep at the squirrels,  & a couple of geese in residence.  I actually dig this part of my day.

ok for the record possible tmiwtf

I've been bleeding for 3 weeks - seriously - & now that I am "supposed" to be bleeding I am clean - cramping less & yet blargh...

Just thought I'd share.

mmmmmmmm

Mmmmmm additional Katamari note: I am now craving naan naanaanaan naanaan naan naan naanaan naan naanaan naan mmmm What time does the Indian buffet open today?

Eeeep

I found a Katamari game for my phone.  Ahhhh after defeating the other puzzle games I've acquired it brings me joi to resume rollin w/ the Prince.  I love lil things that make me happy.

Changes...

I'm caught up for the moment - things may alter as I come off the meds but really this is the perfect time for me to be screwing with the coding. If you have issues (are unable to read, etc...) the new layout - hustle me & if I love you enough I might change it.

Done

Blood drawn- phlebotomist was awesome.

The wait at the lab was 45 mins because of the skeleton crew & the nice lady taking my info chicken pecked the keyboard.

I went for groceries - relatively easy til I pulled away realizing that I forgot Cheese - cannot make eggs/sharp cheddar/baconsalt w/o cheese.  So I ran over to the ghetto market on the corner & found some sour cherry juice from somewhere in eastern europe for cheap - yum.  I have food cooking in oven (I'm no longer in the mood for breakfast).  & I am about the take meds & after food I will shower & nap.  I've been up every few hours thru the night.  Frankenovary screaming at me.  This morning I managed to do everything without doubling over in pain or killing anyone.  My pillow looks really good right now.

Happy Pi Day!!!

Yippeeee!!!!!!
Seriously I don't want to get out of bed.

OK - I deal with it

BUT 

I fucking hate needles!!!

I have to get like 5 tubes drawn (a ridiculous amount in my humble opinion) for some tests for a program I'm starting next week.  I gear up  - OK I work in Lyndhurst on Friday, 5 mins from the lab @ Beachwood - simple - work til noon, stop in - do the draw & get on w/ a wknd of meds & crawling from shower to bed.  OH NOOOOOO - I look at the orders to see if there is anything that I can compare the new ones to that I've already had done recently.  & poof - guess what? as I was wrapping myself into my 2nd 3rd of my morning coffee - I have to be fasting for the blood draw because they want glucose levels.  ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH - I have to get to the lab in Lakewood before noon/after 0700 tomorrow & be free of meds to drive there & back.  & still have to deal w/ needles - I don't think I've had a draw @ Lakewood - I hope they are awesome.  Or I'm going to go back to my Dr's ofc - because the phlebotomist there rocks.  

Right now meds are taken & i'm waiting for the painfree to arrive.

The Plague

Illness- & by that I mean the black death has been alive & well in my household this week.  Fever spiking to 103 (that I recorded).  puking, pooing, nothing in my system for 3 days.  This was tolerable.  The problem is/was the Seasonique - the dirty little pills running my ovaries; I'm bleeding/cramping - have been for 2 wks - which means this is the 3rd week of cramping which by the way - next week, ahem, NEXT WEEK is when I am scheduled to bleed.  Sooo kiddies who have been paying attention; What does Jessica need when she is cramping & bleeding? Those of you who said Prescription Narcotics get a gold star.  BUT wait if I can't keep food in my system or most fluids or my regular meds what makes you think I was able to keep the "good stuff" down?  I couldn't.  I didn't know if I was sweating & shaking from the pain or from the fever.  I was a mess.  The fever finally broke yesterday & I was able to keep down yogurt & babyfood smooshed peaches - & sweet blessed drugs.  home from work tonight they are finally kicking in again.  

While ill i did not need a visiting nurse service to come take care of me but rather a "Dial-a-boifriend" or something similar - I wanted someone who knew me & my apt & where everything is & could just step in & take care of me, cook for me, cool rag for my head, & who gets along w/ the cats, etc... I think that would be awesome.  Or "Dial-a-girlfriend" I'm not picky I just wanted to feel cared for.  On the other hand I have to say I could have kissed my direct report when she walked in & saw me today - her first words were "I could kiss you" - we need eachother to make the ofc run smoothly - I missed my coworkers & it felt good to feel the love today when they dropped by to check on me & offer soup & to run for tea, etc...

Rape

At what point does this sink in & stop being "news" at what point does this finally crack thru & do people realize that not every soldier is a bloodthirsty powerhungry rapist in and of himself? At what point do we step in & stop the government sanctioned rapes?

How is this new? Who finds this to be informative? to find the information something new?!?!?!

This is not new news. This is a crime against humanity - every rape is. from the date raped teenager; to the American soldier raped by her comrades in Iraq, to the wife raped by her husband, to the rape of women all over the world as just another step in the genocide of a people.

The intentions might very well differ slightly - the soldier being ordered to rape, the teenage boi who thinks that "this is just how women like it", the husband who thinks it is his right to sex when & how he wants it. I'd love to have a clue why an American soldier would rape a female in his unit while in the sandbox but I honestly don't know - I've only ever talked to the survivors; aside from the culture of rape that the military so happily provides I have no idea. & yes this comes across as if I have a BIG issue with this & I do - I've seen too many lives ruined by it. Too many women destroyed by these actions & those are only women who sought help, not the ones who keep silent out of fear.

This just empties me of words. Rape is a military tactic that works so much better than a nuclear bomb. It destroys the people while leaving the land intact & usable. It has the power to destroy generations and cultures and societies like no other weapon on earth. It has the power to make a woman abandon her child. It has the power to make a mother kill her daughters rather than let it happen to them; for men to kill their families rather than let it happen to them.

In the interview he discusses that his penis wouldn't come erect for him to actually penetrate anyone - but seriously that only saved his victims from the tissue damage of penetration, from the possibility of impregnation - it didn't save their minds; it didn't stop them from dying inside, from fearing every man they see, from fearing every touch, it didn't save them the trauma of the assault. It just saved his life. I hope his life was worth saving. I hope he makes it worth saving.

Just keep in mind this is from a woman who thinks rapists should be hunted down & beaten in the street, their half-dead bodies left rotting on pikes outside of towns as a reminder that it will not be tolerated. Harboring a rapist should be met also with punishment. lopping off an arm above the elbow & a leg above the knee - Hell I'd let the convicted choose which parts - the parts also hung outside the city along the highways & byways. Maybe I'm a lil bloody. I'm not in Congress for a reason. I'm not trying to legislate these beliefs. I just think the world would be a better place if it worked that way. & since Watchmen is so fresh on my mind - I must confess this is the area that I hold Rorschach-like convictions. There is no compromise with me on it.

It is sad that the cop stopped her. It would have been better if she had an accident. As it is her offspring live to dumb down the genepool.

Fuck you

There is horrible & by that I mean a 9 year old girl - ahem, NINE YEAR OLD GIRL, raped by her stepfather since she was as young as six, ahem RAPED SINCE SHE WAS SIX YEARS OLD.  & then there is more horrible - she was found to be pregnant after complaining of stomach pains.  Just so we are clear here: A NINE YEAR OLD GIRL RAPED BY HER STEPFATHER IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS.  The child's body cannot carry the babies to term.  The child's going to die if the pregnancy is not terminated.  She meets the restrictions required to have an abortion in the country she lives in, there is not a single part of this that is ok.  It is a horrifying terrible situation.

AND THEN 

The fucking Catholic church steps in - mr "universal" Catholic church Archbishop declares the mother - note: NOT THE STEPFATHER WHO RAPED THE CHILD, BUT THE MOTHER TRYING TO SAVE HER CHILD'S LIFE, and the doctors involved with the abortion to be excommunicated from the Church.  & get this bullshit the Vatican backs his play.  HE RAPED A CHILD & THE CHURCH SAYS "WOOHOO, YOU AREN'T A BABYKILLER,WE'LL TAKE YOU"

FUCKING HELL.  You make me embarrassed to call myself Catholic.  You make my stomach turn.  You accept men as bishops who deny the Holocaust even happened & you excommunicate a woman saving her daughter's life, you give $$$ to prevent the civil union of men & women who love eachother because you believe that accepting their love means you have to accept that they have sex.  I was raised better than that.  FUCK YOU CATHOLIC CHURCH.  YOU DID A SHITTY JOB TRYING TO REPLACE JPII - LET'S KILL THIS FUCKER OFF & START OVER.  START OVER BASING THE CHURCH ON LOVE.

Apprentice - Celebrity Edition

Yep I actually feel tied to it.  Scott Hamilton is playing for the Taussig Cancer Center - that would be the Cancer Center & the Cleveland Clinic - it would be awesome to treat more people & get further in research because of Trump's cash.

Who's comin with me?

I am not working on Friday - This does mean that I am working on Saturday.

BUT - Since I am NOT working on FRIDAY - I AM GOING TO THE MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF THE WATCHMEN

I know, I know, hush you nerdling hordes - it might not be perfect - Moore's relationship with it guarantees it won't be - BUT I am still very interested in seeing it.  

I love the graphic novel

I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan

I love Carla Gugino

I love Matt Frewer

I even love Alex McDowell's production design

So Yeah, who wants to join me? - I'll even bring my flask...

I like this:

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

As in I like the visual aide- I don't dig the situation.

I'm good with the suicide

Seriously - I am.  Life is pain & terrible & you are dying & you'd like to go out on your terms I'm OK with that.  Leave them alone.  Legalize assisted suicides.  

Wow

So Paul Harvey is dead. Another voice of my life is silenced.  The voice I now listen to w/ nostalgic tears in my eyes.  I hated the endless hours of him on AM/NPR/Whatever the hell dad was playing on the radio that wasn't music.  To and from work, day after day - I just can't believe he's gone.

on scary moments

this is the view from my desk - the plant people were doing the plants today & as a part of that they shake the trees to knock down the loose leaves.  All i could think was "Velociraptors in the building!!!!"  We are a bit surrounded by emptyish land/isolated - even the deer think so.  Below is a view looking outside the windows on my floor.

maybe

Maybe I'm just a sucker for a hot man - a really really bright and tall and hot man - maybe I want eyes I can get lost in telling me that the future is not going to be easily won & that we have to start working on it yesterday - maybe I want to have to look up into those eyes and see in them trust and support and not condescending platitudes - maybe I want his voice to be able to challenge me to actions screaming into the night sky - maybe I want the same voice to sing me lullabies to sleep dreaming of a tomorrow of power and passion - maybe all of that

Peter Garrett - let me tell you how much I love this man. He is not one of my elected officials - but damned if I wouldn't vote for him if the opportunity arose. Now I know that many of you thought I was talking about Obama - he's lovely, but the power of his words have yet to strike me as Garrett's have. His voice has yet to drive me to tears.

And I freely admit that yeah - everytime I sit in church as I did this morning for Ash Wednesday mass I hear INXS playing "Devil Inside" in my head. Just as everytime I see/hear of our latest military action I hear "US Forces" raging in my head. The song is so old but still how much of our military actions since it was written fall under the same standard.

"U.S Forces give the nod
It's a setback for your country
Bombs and trenches all in rows
Bombs and threats still ask for more
Divided world, the CIA, say who control the issue
You leave us with no time to talk
You can write your own assessment

Sing me songs of no denying
Seems to me too many tired
Waiting for the next big thing

Will you know it when you see it
High risk children, dogs of war
Now market movements call the shots
Business deals in parking lots
Waiting for the meeting of tomorrow

Sing me songs of no denying
Seems to me too many tired
Waiting for the next big thing

Everyone too stoned to start a mission
People too scared to go to Prison
We're unable to make decisions
Politicians party line, don't cross that floor
L.Ron Hubbard can't save your life
Superboy takes a plutonium wife
In the shadow of Ban The Bomb we live....."

From those first few beats of the percussion - I remember hearing it when I was young; almost too young to understand. Does this mean I'm too old now to forget?

Maybe I just dig him as a secondary to loving Richard O'Brien - I wouldn't be surprised - not at all. Somehow all that twisted artistry being replaced with a social conscience.

hmmm yummmm

My dry house

Humidifier acquired - it ran on middle setting all last night at the lowest humidistat setting - when i woke up it was still running & almost empty - 3 gallons dumped into my air & still dry it is.  less blood from my nose this morning - more mucus = yay

& my bitching about Lyrica ads:

To Quote: "My fibromyalgia muscle pain is real"

So spokesbeotch what you are saying is "My muscle fiber pain muscle pain is real" - what up jackass?  The ad then goes on the stroke the fibro patient's ego by telling them that it is not an anti-depressant but real medicine to address a real medical condition.  I have worked with fibro patients and guess what - 99% of them do need to be on anti-depressants - chemical anti-depressants.  They should be in Physical Therapy to learn how to keep their bodies in good working order despite the pain, serious counseling to sort out their own heads & reframe & deal with the pain in a healthy way instead of the life alteringly bad habits they have unerringly picked up.  Seriously.  There is a reason that the Clinic's intensive pain management program has a huge psych component.  & a reason that people who leave in the middle of it continue to be in pain as they bitch about the docs trying to address their thought processes.  This is not me being mean or trying to say that "the pain they sense is a figment of their imagination" - It is not - it is real - but it is also their organic nerves & their organic brain involved.  Mentally they need to sort out what/who they are with this pain component in their lives.  9 times out of 10 fibro patients have been in so much pain for so long that they are against anyone even implying that they (personality/mentally) have changed as a part of it.  They are used to medical professionals treating them like hypochondriacs.  I have worked with people who literally would say things behind the patients' backs along the lines of "fakers" - "crybabies".  On the other hand most of the fibro patients I've worked with want to either not try anything new to feel better or they are willing to try  - but they want results immediately.  & NO PATIENTS EVER WANT TO DO THE WORK TO FEEL BETTER - seriously - doesn't matter if it is a fibromyalgia issue, a knee replacement, a cold - everyone wants to just *poof* feel better magickally.  New pill, surgery, and they expect to feel instantly better.  NOT gonna happen & if you do start to heal it is never an easy cruise to no pain.  There are always hills and valleys.  

OK I'm better now.